We're Not in Thedas Anymore
by Aurlana
Summary: There are mysterious rifts appearing all over Thedas and similar portals in Sioux Falls, SD. Demon-like creatures are pouring out causing mass destruction in both worlds. A strange turn of events land Alistair and Cullen in Sioux Falls with Dean and Castiel. Can they help each other figure out how to save both of their worlds before anything else happens to the people they love?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:**

There are mysterious rifts appearing all over Thedas with demons pouring out causing mass destruction. The Grey Wardens have been hard pressed to keep up with the extra work. Alistair and Cullen take it upon themselves to try to find the cause to save their world once and for all.

 **In another world:**  
There are similar portals opening up all over Sioux Falls, South Dakota. It's too much for our band of badass heroins to take on alone, so they call in The Winchesters for backup and to give them another perspective on what the hell is going on. It's all-hands-on-deck as they investigate the dark spawn invading their world.

A strange turn of events land Alistair and Cullen in Sioux Falls with Dean and Castiel. Can they help each other figure out how to save both of their worlds before anything else happens to the people they love?

* * *

 **Notes:**

I'm not even sure how this idea came to be more than a fleeting thought. One day I was pondering two of my favorite ships (Cullistair & Destiel) and then I started thinking about how much the yellow tears to the other worlds in Supernatural: Season 13 reminded me of the green rifts in Dragon Age: Inquisition. Then Wayward Sisters aired, and we were introduced to the all new monster that had my brain screaming DARKSPAWN! And then... well, this just sort of happened.

Even though I've written the Dragon Age portion of this from my Cocktails and Cheese/Cullistair background, I don't believe you need to read it to be able to appreciate this piece.

As with all my works, if something doesn't make sense, or you would like elaboration or clarification on something, all you have to do is ask. :)

* * *

 **Disclaimer: All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games or CW/Supernatural  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **We're Not in Thedas Anymore**

 **A Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) /**

 **Supernatural (Season 13-ish) Crossover**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 **Dean & Cass**

* * *

 **Sioux Falls, SD**

"Damnit, Cass. That's the fourth portal this week. What the hell's going on here?"

"This doesn't have anything to do with hell , Dean. The first rift appeared right before Jack was born. If anything, it has to do with him. "

Dean rolled his eyes while surveying the aftermath of the carnage. "Three more corpses to dispose of; we've got to come up with something soon. These portals are starting to pop up more often, and these creatures… they're not like anything we've ever faced before."

Castiel frowned at the bodies laying on the ground next to where the portal had been. "It is disconcerting; we've faced some pretty nasty things before, but nothing like this . I'm glad Jody called us to come help."

"I am too. I mean, it makes sense; you were there when the first rift opened. You explored the other side too, right?"

Castiel nodded. "I did, and I ran into something on the other side, but it wasn't these dark creatures. I wonder, are they even coming from the same world? You said, when Jack opened that portal with Kaia, that you and Sam got sent in one direction, Jack another, and Kaia was left here. These could be doorways to anywhere."

Dean looked up suddenly. "If Jack was responsible for those two portals, do you think that he could have something to do with these too?"

Castiel tilted his head to the side, brows furrowing. "It's possible, I suppose. As a nephilim, the combination of his angelic grace and human soul would make him more than powerful enough." He looked at Dean defensively. "I don't think he'd do it intentionally, though; not knowing what's coming through. It's possible that his very presence is causing the tears between the worlds, or maybe he's just trying to get back home. But he would never—"

"I'm not accusing him of doing anything ' on purpose' ." Dean used the dorky air quotes Castiel was so fond of. "We're running blind here, even with access to Jody and Donna's police database, Ash and Charlie doing their techie voodoo, and Sammy and Gabriel back at the bunker hitting the books. No one's been able to locate any lore to help us on this one. We may have to call in Rowena after all, I need all our big guns on deck." He groaned in frustration. "Look, I don't want to fight with you, it may be him, it may not be. This whole situation is fucked up."

Castiel snorted derisively. "Which part, Dean? The part where holes keep opening up all over Sioux falls and monsters are pouring forth, killing people? The fact that our daughter, Claire, is hell bent on avenging her girlfriend's death by racing all over town, killing these things? Or how about the part where Jody is sitting there with Patience, just waiting for her next vision to tell us where the next portal is going to open so we can reach it before any more humans die?"

Castiel stalked up to Dean, causing him to take a step back. "Or, maybe it's the fact that our son, Jack, is stuck in another world trying to save Mom from these weird hell spawn creatures that keep coming at us?" Castiel kicked the corpse at his feet. "Which part exactly would you consider to be the most fucked up, Dean?"

"Hey, hey..." Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him into a tight hug. "I know you're worried about them. I am too, but our kids are badasses! Sure, they don't deserve to have this on their shoulders. None of us do. We might want something different for our kids, but we can't always choose what we get dealt. What we can choose, is how to deal with it and who we choose to keep by our side. And, I know, as long as we've got each other and our family, we're going to be okay. Winchesters always bounce back."

Castiel sighed. "I know, Dean. I'm sorry. Sometimes I feel ill prepared for all of these parental emotions." He rested his forehead against Dean's and closed his eyes. "I feel like I've failed them somehow. Jack is missing and Claire is heartbroken—"

"Cass, you haven't failed them! And what is this I business. We are in this together and we are going to get through this together. Hell, even death hasn't been able to keep us apart for long, and ancient entities have nothing on you annoying your way back from The Empty into my arms." Dean chuckled when Castiel huffed in annoyance.

"You're right." Castiel sighed. "It's just-every time a portal opens, I half expect Jack to come stumbling out with Mom in toe, but so far, all we've seen is this new breed of demon. Though, to be honest, I'm not even sure that's an appropriate way to classify them, holy water has no affect and demon traps don't hold them. We haven't tried exorcism yet, but something tells me, that won't work either."

"I have to agree with you. They seem demonic, but these ain't no demons," Dean said. "I sure hope Sammy comes up with something quick; we're stretched pretty thin out here and have no way to close these damn things. Thank Chuck they're not open for very long."

"I'm not sure my father had anything to do with this either," Castiel said dryly. "If we could only find out what's causing the portals these things are crawling through, maybe we'll find some way to stop this. If Jack's power isn't the cause of this, what are our other options?"

"The only other thing we know can open these portals, is the grace of an archangel. But Lucifer is MIA and Gabriel is still low on juice because of Asmodeus. We've got to figure this out soon, though; Mom's been over there way too long."

"Jack will find her, Dean; she was his primary goal. He gets his love of family from you." Castiel smiled reassuringly. "You've been a better father to him than I have, and an inspiring role model. He will come back and he will bring Mom with him, you have to have faith in that."

"We finally had our family all together, Cass. You, me, Sammy, Gabe, Mom, Jack, Claire; it's like all of my favorite things—all my dreams—were just handed to me on a silver platter and then fucking ripped away again; all of them gone."

"That's not true, Dean," Castiel said quietly. "I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Dean melted into him a little more. "Thanks, Cass. I'm glad you're here. I just—"

"We'll get Jack back, we'll get mom back, and we'll figure out what the hell is behind all of these portals. There is nothing so big that we can't handle it."

As Dean leaned in to kiss his husband, another tear appeared to the left of the one that just closed. This one had the same feel as the last, only the color was slightly different-this one was more green than golden.

Castiel readied his angel blade as Dean cocked his gun and aimed it at the center of the rift, ready to fight.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you for coming along for the ride! I will be continuing with a new chapter every two weeks (Maker/Chuck willing).

And as always, I owe a debt of gratitude to Ponticle, for their support, expertise, and for rolling with my crazy ideas and encouraging me to just go with it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:**

There are mysterious rifts appearing all over Thedas with demons pouring out causing mass destruction. The Grey Wardens have been hard pressed to keep up with the extra work. Alistair and Cullen take it upon themselves to try to find the cause to save their world once and for all.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Even though I've written the Dragon Age portion of this from my Cocktails and Cheese/Cullistair background, I don't believe you need to read it to be able to appreciate this piece.

As with all my works, if something doesn't make sense, or you would like elaboration or clarification on something, all you have to do is ask. :)

* * *

 **Disclaimer: All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games or CW/Supernatural  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **We're Not in Thedas Anymore**

 **A Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) /**

 **Supernatural (Season 13-ish) Crossover**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 **Alistair & Cullen**

* * *

 **Denerim, Ferelden**

"Cullen, these rifts are getting ridiculous!" Alistair grumbled, as he sealed the second one that day.

"Says the Warden doing what he was trained to do."

"I've never seen Denerim with so many tears in the veil before. The last Blight wasn't even this bad." He shook his head as he wiped the gore from his daggers, sheathing them, once again, on his back. "Please, Maker, don't let there be another archdemon on the rise; I'm too old to survive another Blight." He turned to Cullen and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I have so many things I'd still like to do before I die!"

"To me? Or, in general?" Cullen smirked as he holstered his gun, sheathed his sword, and shook the stray viscera from his black duster. "Besides, you're not going to die, Alistair. Not yet anyway, especially not on my watch. Lana would kill me," he deadpanned.

"She might, but then again, she's probably more apt to resurrect me, scold me, then kill me again for doing something stupid." He pouted.

Cullen rolled his eyes and flicked some gore off Alistair's shoulder. "In any case, the powers that be don't believe that this is a Blight. This is… something else entirely."

"Something else that creates so many tears in the veil that both Lana and I have to be called into service full time? We retired years ago, Cullen. I retired to get her out of this life. She's sacrificed enough for the Wardens." He headed for his car and opened the trunk.

"You know that Duncan would have left Lana out of it if he could, but they need all qualified hands on deck right now."

"I know," Alistair said petulantly. "Still doesn't mean anything if, after all I've done to keep her away from this life, she still has to be exposed to it."

"Hey, Al. Look at me." Cullen grabbed a towel out of the trunk and began wiping away some of the more obvious smudges on his cheeks. "She could have said, no." Tossing the towel back in, he tilted Alistair's chin up and met his lips with a soft kiss. "And you and I both know, that if Lana doesn't want to do something, she won't. She may be tiny, but she's fierce, loyal, and incredibly strong. She knows her limits better than anyone. She's choosing to help with this. No one forced her. And she's keeping herself safe on this side of the veil. She's not jumping through every rift she encounters all willy-nilly like we do."

"I do not jump through all willy-nilly—" Alistair huffed indignantly.

"…she's doing her part to help—because she can —and it's the right thing to do. We are all doing our part, and you know she's not alone, she has Leliana with her and she's just as fierce at protecting Lana as you are."

Alistair chuckled. "I would hope so; she married her."

"That also means she's probably smart enough to step back and not complain about stuff she can't control." Cullen teased. "Even I know that trying to control Lana would be a futile effort. That's like trying to keep you from cheese."

Alistair gasped with his hand over his heart. "I can't believe you would even compare something so trivial to my love of cheese!"

"There's the man I fell in love with!"

"So you only love me for my taste in cheese?"

"Well, I did stumble into Alistair's House of Wine and Cheese , quite by accident, and I can honestly say, I haven't been the same since."

Alistair wrapped his arms around Cullen's waist. "Do you think the bar will still be standing when we're done?" he asked ruefully.

"Perhaps. Though, I'm not sure what the greater danger is… the hands you left it in the care of, or the darkspawn currently trying to take over the world."

Alistair snorted. "I'm not so sure that leaving the bar in the hands of Zevran and Isabela was such a good idea. I may end up owning a brothel instead of a bar when we get back. But, time was of the essence and it was either that or close it down completely."

Cullen stared at him in horror.

Alistair smiled mischievously and winked. "Don't worry, luv. I hid all of the Johnny Walker Blue at our home before we left and Morrigan and Kieran are there to protect your interests."

"I'm not worried about my scotch, Al." Cullen chuckled. "I was just picturing the den of iniquity we're going to come home to when all this is over. I'm not sure that's something that Kieran should be exposed to at his age."

Alistair laughed. "I'm pretty sure that he's going to be thirty before Morrigan discusses such things with him… possibly forty-five before she lets him date."

"Well then," Cullen chuckled. "At least that's one less thing we have to worry about." He winked, then frowned when the phone in his pocket started ringing.

After a quick conversation, Cullen hung up with a scowl.

"What was that all about?" Alistair asked, concerned. "More portals?"

Cullen shook his head, "That was Cassandra, they're reinstating the Inquisition of old. She's been investigating the recent events and promised to keep me in the loop." He sighed heavily, leaning up against the car. "They've put some poor soul in charge, calling him the Inquisitor, he's somehow connected to all of these new rifts we've been seeing pop up all over Thedas."

"Is he causing them?" Alistair asked.

"They thought he was responsible, at first." Cullen responded, "But, it turns out he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time...like so many others who were caught in the explosion at the conclave last month." Cullen looked up with a haunted expression, "She said… he has a glowing mark on his hand that's somehow connected to the rifts."

"He has a rift in his hand?" Alistair asked incredulously.

"Yes, and, like a Warden, he can close tears in the veil as well." Cullen shook his head and sighed. "Cassandra said that they're looking for as many able bodied volunteers as possible."

"To what end?"

"They're putting together units of warriors and mages willing to fight these demons as they come through. Their primary focus is to hold back the horrors until either a Warden or the Inquisitor can get there to close the rifts."

"There aren't a lot of Wardens just floating around, Cullen. What happens to the groups when one can't get there quickly enough to seal the rift? Are any of them closing on their own?"

"Not as far as we can tell. Everyone, so far, has needed to be sealed from this side."

"Shit, Cullen," Alistair despaired. "Their are rifts all over Thedas pouring demons out onto the streets and there aren't enough Wardens or True Templars to handle it. I hope this Inquisition can get their shit together soon; we're going to need all the help we can get."

"That we are. But that's not all." Cullen hesitated, lowering his head.

"Oh, this can't be good." Alistair stepped up to Cullen, placing two fingers under his chin and lifting until their eyes met. "What else did Cassandra say?"

Cullen took a deep breath. "We're going to need to get to the source of why these things keep opening. The Inquisition is doing what they can on this side of the veil, but they want any ideas or help on finding what's causing this."

"Ideas? I'm open to suggestions at this point, but I have to agree, we need to go on the offensive." Alistair paused for a moment, then grinned. "I think I need to go into one."

"Alistair, we have been going into them!"

"Yes, but that's only to clear out the immediate dangers on the other side before we seal it. I'd like to go to a breach in the veil and cut open another entrance on top of the first… go deeper in than we've ever been."

"What?! Are you crazy? Alistair, you can't just go tearing open tears within tears! How does that even work? Is that possible? Where would it even go?"

Alistair leveled a look at Cullen. "We've been cleaning house on both sides of the rifts we've been encountering and sealing them up tight, but we've never actively gone through looking for more. This isn't natural, Cullen. This isn't normal. I have to agree with Cassandra: something is happening that's causing this and there simply aren't enough Wardens to keep the population safe for much longer. We're going to find ourselves exhausted and depleted of resources and there's no way in Thedas that we'll be able to protect the innocence of those without the sight for much longer."

Cullen mulled it over for a time, then nodded reluctantly. "I hate to admit it, but, I have to agree with you."

"Good. I'll go through the next one we come to. You should find Lana and tell her the plan." Alistair began to retrieve his weapons from the trunk of his car, loading them back into his various scabbards.

"I don't think so, Alistair." Cullen smirked, arms crossed over his chest.

"Um… you don't?"

"No, I don't," Cullen stated. "You can either send her a quick text, or beg forgiveness when we get back, because I'm going with you."

"Cullen, you don't have to—"

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence, Alistair. If you're going through, I'm going with you."

There wasn't time to continue the argument. Another rift suddenly opened behind Cullen. Alistair grinned deviously. "Well then, no time like the present!" He walked cockily past Cullen, kissing him on the corner of his mouth as he passed. "Coming?" He tore a hole through the center of the rift; this one glowed gold over their usual green, then dove through, his daggers at the ready, prepared to fight whatever was waiting on the other side.

Cullen shook his head, drew his sword and sidearm, then entered behind him.

I have a bad feeling about this!

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you for coming along for the ride! I will be continuing with a new chapter every two weeks (Maker/Chuck willing).

And as always, I owe a debt of gratitude to Ponticle, for their support, expertise, and for rolling with my crazy ideas and encouraging me to just go with it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary:**

Alistair and Cullen meet Castiel and Dean.  
It goes better than you might expect.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Even though I've written the Dragon Age portion of this from my Cocktails and Cheese/Cullistair background, I don't believe you need to read it to be able to appreciate this piece.

As with all my works, if something doesn't make sense, or you would like elaboration or clarification on something, all you have to do is ask. :)

* * *

 **Disclaimer: All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games or CW/Supernatural  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **We're Not in Thedas Anymore**

 **A Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) /**

 **Supernatural (Season 13-ish) Crossover**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 **Bridging the Gap**

 **Sioux Falls, SD**

Alistair rolled out of his dive, ending in a crouched stance, ready for anything. He looked around briefly and took in the very normal looking environment: trees, grass, playground in the distance, parking lot with a mint condition, classic, black car in it.

Are we in a park?

Standing next to the car were two men with weapons leveled at him. They were of similar height. The one wearing jeans, boots, and a layering of shirts, pointed a gun in his direction. The other was dressed in a dark suit, blue tie, and tan trench coat; he held a shiny dagger at the ready, as if it were an extension of himself.

Cullen came through the rift a moment later and stopped, his own gun pointed up and sword drawn. "Uh, Alistair? I don't think this is the fade."

The one with the gun stepped forward cautiously, not lowering his weapon. "This sure as hell ain't Kansas either. Who the fuck are you and why did you come through the Portal? Did you come from the bad place, apocalypse world, or someplace else?"

Alistair slowly stood and, with deliberate cautiousness, sheathed his daggers on his back. Palms raised, he gestured for Cullen to do the same. "You're obviously not a demon or darkspawn…" He looked at the corpses littering the ground. "...and you seem to be just as confused as we are. This is Commander Cullen Rutherford; he's a detective. My name is Alistair Theirin; I am a Grey Warden. We've come from the city of Denerim, in the country of Ferelden, on the world of Thedas. We've been investigating these rifts in hopes of finding the cause and stopping them. Where are we now?"

"This is Sioux Falls, South Dakota. You're in the United States of America… uh, on the planet Earth. Where the hell is Thedas?" He looked at his partner in the trench coat. "Cass? Any input to share with the class?"

"I am not familiar with this Thedas , Dean. But there are many such worlds out there that I have yet to explore." He looked long and hard at them, sheathing his blade. He cocked his head to one side and pointed at Cullen. "This one's soul glows almost as brightly as yours. I've never seen another that remotely comes close."

"Should I be jealous?" Dean smirked.

Cass leveled an unimpressed look at him. "You are my husband, Dean. You know we share a profound bond. Jealousy is irrelevant." He took a step closer to the newcomers. "My name is Castiel, and this is my husband, Dean. We are hunters in this world, and as of late, these portals have been popping up all over and we've been… dispatching the filth that has been pouring forth from them. You are unlike anything else that we've seen come through. Perhaps we need to sit and talk?" He looked at Dean who shrugged and nodded his agreement.

"Perhaps we should wait until the portal closes. Y'know, incase something else comes through," Dean suggested.

Alistair turned to face the rift behind him, and with a few purposeful movements, sealed the opening. He turned around to find two very surprised expressions gaping at him.

"Are you an… archangel?" Dean asked. "Cass, is this a long lost brother of yours?

Castiel tilted his head again, looking Alistair over. "I do not sense the spark of my father in him." Then at Alistair and Cullen's confused looks, he said, "To the best of our knowledge it takes the power of an archangel to open or close these portals. How did you…?"

Alistair grinned. "As I said, I am a Grey Warden. Where we're from, that means that I can open and close the veil to the fade at will. I am not, as you say, an archangel, just a man doing his j-"

"Wait!" Cullen interrupted, looking at Castiel with eyes wide and filled with awe. "You are brother to an archangel? Are you one of the Maker's children?"

"We are all my father's children, Commander. He does not go by The Maker here though; that's one I haven't heard before. Here, he is simply, God , but he prefers, Chuck. And I am merely one of his seraph."

" Merely a seraph," Dean scoffed. "Cass is one freakin' badass angel." He locked eyes with Castiel and seemed to get lost for a moment.

"Dean." Castiel rolled his eyes, then noticed Cullen genuflecting before him. "Oh, for the love of-" He turned away, embarrassed, laying his head on Dean's shoulder.

With one arm wrapped protectively around Castiel, Dean tapped Cullen gently on the shoulder with the handle of his gun. "Hey, buddy. I'm the only one that gets on my knees for him, but we usually keep that private." Dean winked as Cullen's cheeks flamed red. "Seriously though, you're making him uncomfortable. He's just another soul trying to do his best to protect the world."

"Technically, Dean. I don't have a soul; I have grace." Castiel looked up, slightly confused.

"Yeah, yeah. But we are soul-bonded, so you have a piece of my soul and I have a piece of your grace. The point stands. You're just another guy, with the same agenda as us."

Castiel smiled appreciatively, then turned to Cullen, extending his hand to help him up. "For the most part, I am no different from you-my unusual parentage aside."

Cullen took his hand and stood. "I uh… I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable; it's just that-"

Alistair wrapped his arm around Cullen's waist, giving it a supportive squeeze. "Cullen used to be a Templar. Now, I don't know what that means here, but where we're from that means that he was raised, essentially, in the chantry. He spent his life training to be a warrior of… God , I suppose you would say."

Castiel looked at Dean. "A chantry is like a church."

"Yeah, I kinda got that." Dean looked at Cullen. "He said that you used to be a Templar. Did you lay down your frock to marry red here?" He grinned lasciviously, pointing at Alistair.

"No, I um… we're not… married." Cullen cleared his throat, looking at Alistair nervously, who grinned in return. "But we are-together." He then turned his attention back to Dean and Castiel. "I spent many years serving the order, but at some point my path took a different road than the one they were trying to lay before me. So, I left, and now put my skills to better use with the Denerim Police Department."

Dean elbowed Castiel laughing. "Sounds like someone else I know."

"Yes, yes. Let's leave the fallen angel jokes out of this, please. And you do happen to like it when I dress up in a uniform." He winked fondly at Dean. "But all humor aside, these rifts are no joke." He said to Alistair and Cullen. "If you have a way of closing them, we could certainly use the help. Would you like to join us for a meal where we can discuss this mutual crisis further?"

Alistair shared a quick look with Cullen. "I'll never turn down food, and sharing information seems like it could benefit us all."

Dean clapped his hands together once loudly. "Great! There's this bar across town that makes the best burgers."

Alistair grinned. "Please tell me you have cheese in this world? A burger just isn't the same without cheese."

Pulling his keys out of his pocket, Dean laughed. "You like cheese? Ellen's got this burger she calls the heart-attack. It has cheese mixed in with the meat, three different types of cheese on top, and the bun is also sprinkled with cheese. It comes with a cheese dipping sauce, if you pair that with a side of her bacon, cheese fries, you got the best meal in the state!"

"Cullen, I love you , but I just might have to marry that burger." Alistair licked his lips.

"You say that now, but when you've finished it, you'll be moaning in pain and begging me not to let you eat like that again," Cullen chuckled.

"He does that too? Sounds like someone else I know." Castiel elbowed Dean, smiling affectionately.

"Yeah, yeah. C'mon guys-get in." He grinned proudly at his car. "This is my baby." He ran his hands over the roof lovingly as he walked around to the back of the car. "Um, but-you need to remove your blades before getting in; I will be very put out if you hurt her seats. We take care of our girl and treat her like a lady." He opened his trunk, displaying the arsenal inside.

Alistair whistled appreciatively. "We wouldn't dream of harming a beauty like this, and your weapon collection rivals Cullen's." Alistair laughed, removing his daggers from their sheaths and setting them in the trunk, then looked down at his Grey Warden Armor. "Um, speaking of your seats, I don't suppose I could leave my armor with our blades, I fear the scales and mail would damage her leather and judging by your appearance, I would probably stick out in your world wearing it."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, the only place you'd blend in wearing that, is with our friend Charlie when she goes LARPing."

Alistair started working on his buckles. "LARPing?"

"We can explain later." Dean grinned. "And yeah, the less you stand out around here, the better. I don't know about where you're from, but not everyone knows about the things that go bump in the night here, and we like to keep their innocent minds free of that burden."

"It is the same where we are from," Cullen said solemnly. "We'll do our best to blend in; any advice you have on that as we go would be very much appreciated."

Castiel nodded sagely. "Dean has been very helpful in assisting me in learning how to blend in. When I first met him, my people skills were very… 'rusty'. I'm sure he can help you as well."

"I love it when you use finger quotes, babe. You're so dorky sometimes; it's cute." Dean laughed at Castiel's glare and they both got in the car. "C'mon guys, burgers and beer await, my treat!" Dean called from within.

As they finished putting their blades and Alistair's armor in the trunk, Cullen peeled off his duster and wrapped it around Alistair's shoulders. "My black fatigues seem to blend in here more than your under armor does." Cullen removed his own weapon-laden vest and placed it with Alistair's armor.

Sliding his arms through the sleeves, Alistair wrapped his arms around Cullen and kissed him quickly on the nose. "You just like seeing me in your clothes."

Cullen grinned. "That I do. But for now, I think there is the cheesiest burger I've ever heard of with your name on it. And hopefully we'll get some answers to this rift problem we all seem to be having."

Alistair nodded, opening the door for Cullen. "Lets hope we find some answers soon. I hate to think about two worlds being taken over by this nightmare.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you for coming along for the ride! I will be continuing with a new chapter every two weeks (Maker/Chuck willing).

And as always, I owe a debt of gratitude to Ponticle, for their support, expertise, and for rolling with my crazy ideas and encouraging me to just go with it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary:**

Food Porn and Family Friends!  
What more could we ask for?

Alistair and Cullen are introduced to The Roadhouse.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Disclaimer: All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games or CW/Supernatural  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!  
**

* * *

 **We're Not in Thedas Anymore**

A Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural (Season 13-ish) Crossover

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 **The Roadhouse**

Alistair followed Dean and Cass into the Roadhouse, noting the differences to his own humble pub back home. Like his place, this one was warm, welcoming, and comfortable, but unlike his, The Roadhouse sported a full menu of traditional bar food. With a heavy sigh, Alistair lamented his own lack of cooking skills. He would love more than anything to be able to add burgers and wings to his own limited menu someday.

Winding their way through the crowded room, they managed to find a table in the far corner.

"Take a seat, guys," Dean said, grabbing a few menus from the center of the table and handing them out. "Their burgers and pies are the best! But honestly, I've never had anything here that wasn't good."

Castiel looked pointedly at Dean. "Have you ever eaten anything here that wasn't a burger or pie?"

Dean pondered the question. "Yes! Their french fries are good too."

Castiel rolled his eyes, putting his menu back in its holder. "He may not be the best person to ask, but we have eaten here quite a lot. Their burgers make me very happy and I know Sam really enjoys their variety of salads."

Dean snorted, "Sammy's the reason they added salads to the menu in the first place."

"And Sam is?" Cullen asked, while perusing the menu.

Dean's grin was full of pride. "Sammy is my baby Sasquatch of a brother."

Cass interjected, "He's not really a Sasquatch. My brother-in-law is just really tall."

"And hairy." A blonde waitress chuckled as she approached to take their orders.

Dean put his hand out and high-fived the waitress. "One of these days, I'm going to cut his hair while he's sleeping."

"I wouldn't do that, Dean." Castiel frowned in disapproval. "The last time you two got into a prank war, we ended up with itching powder in our bed and I ended up paying dearly for your little bit of fun."

Dean actually looked sheepish. "Yeah, sorry about that, babe. I promise, in the future, we'll keep you out of it."

"I'm not sure you can actually keep that promise, Dean, but I appreciate the sentiment, nevertheless." He smiled fondly at their waitress. "Good evening, Jo."

"Hey, Cass. Dean. Who's the fresh blood?" she asked sarcastically.

"Hey, Joanna-Beth," Dean said. "This is Alistair and his partner, Cullen. We met up at the park while we were doing a little local clean up . They're uh… hunters from out of town and have apparently been dealing with the same kinda thing we have been lately. Figured we'd put our heads together and see if we can't crack this bitch once and for all."

Jo looked them over, pausing a moment longer on the strange clothing that Alistair was wearing under Cullen's trench coat. "If you're here because of the disturbances, then your food tonight is on the house."

Cullen made to protest, but she raised her hand. "No sense in arguing-Mother's orders. She's just happy to have other people out in the field keeping me safe and here at the bar." She snorted in derision.

"You know your mom is just worried about you, Jo. She would never forgive me if she lost you like you guys lost your dad," Dean said in understanding.

"I'm not defenseless, Dean. And someone has to do something."

Castiel tried to interrupt, but she kept talking. "Yeah, I know Cass, you guys are already busting your asses, but you're stretched thin and the quicker we can get to the bottom of all of this bullshit, the quicker we can get back to business as usual."

"Saving people, hunting things. The family business," the three of them said together then laughed.

"We're a little slammed tonight," Jo explained. "But if you give me your drink orders, I'll get them in to Ash while you finish deciding on what you want."

Dean raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah, yeah. I know what you burger twins here want. The only thing that ever changes with your order is the pie. I was talking to your guests, asshat."

"Thanks, Jo," Dean said then ordered a round of beer and shots of whiskey. As she walked off, he looked across the table with a shy grin. "It's the least I can do, and I'm not sure your money would work here anyway, so we've got you covered. You guys are in town battling the same shit we are anyway, even if it was by some weird fluke that you ended up in our neck of the woods."

"I believe everything happens for a reason, Dean. I think perhaps my father may have had something to do with them being here this time. We needed help and a way to close these portals and the answer to those needs just landed in our laps."

"You're not wrong." Dean grabbed a shot glass as Jo set the tray down on the table. "To new friends and hopefully finding a solution to this cluster fuck we've got going on around us." He finished with a wink and downed his shot, placing his glass upside down on the tray when he was finished. "Holy shit Jo, you gave us the good stuff! Did your mom okay that?" Dean exclaimed.

She shrugged then smiled. "I think Ma would give you guys the whole bottle if it helped to save the world… again. And she doesn't pull down the Johnny Walker Blue for just anyone."

"Shit, I've known Ellen most my life and I don't think she's ever pulled down the Blue for me."

"Maybe that's because she knows how much you actually drink-it would drive her out of business." Jo laughed at Dean's pout. "Though, I have to say, ever since you married feathers here, your consumption has gone way down."

Dean grinned, wrapping his arm around Castiel's shoulders. "What can I say? Having an Angel of the Lord with me twenty-four seven, makes me kinda want to be a better man." He looked at Castiel adoringly, a small smile on his lips.

Jo made an exaggerated gagging sound. "You guys are disgustingly cute. Before you make your new friends lose their appetites, what'll you have?"

Alistair was looking at Cullen with a similar expression, their hands clasped together under the table. He perked up at the question and looked at Jo. "I was told that you have something here called a heart attack?"

She nodded.

"I'll have one of those, with a side of bacon cheese fries, please?"

Cullen laughed. "Dean had him at cheese within minutes of mentioning this place. I'd just like a regular bacon burger, with grilled onions, and a salad on the side with a light dressing."

Dean muttered something that sounded like, 'rabbit food' under his breath.

Jo rolled her eyes, then addressed Alistair. "Well, if you are so fond of cheese, I'll have to throw in an order of mozzarella sticks and deep fried cheese curds for your appetizers."

Alistair's face lit up, eyes wide with astonishment. "Yes, please," he whispered in awe.

Cullen chuckled, "I'd be careful about offering him anything else cheese related on your menu. You've already found the most direct path to his heart and, I'm afraid, I'm not really willing to share." He winked playfully, placing his arm possessively around Alistair's shoulders.

"Damnit, Dean. The next time you bring hot guys in to see me, do me a favor and try to find me some that aren't gay or taken, okay?" She winked back.

Alistair grinned. "I'm bi, actually."

Cullen cleared his throat pointedly.

Alistair hurriedly amended, "but taken, definitely taken." He blushed and leaned more fully into Cullen's arms. "The cheesiest of cheesy-burgers and the smorgasbord of deep fried cheeses sounds heavenly though. Thank you, Jo. I look forward to trying everything." He looked at Cullen with a devious grin as she walked off. "Maybe I could add a deep fryer to the pub back home. Can you imagine adding deep fried Ferelden cheese curds to the menu?"

"You have a pub?" Dean asked. "I thought you said you were a Warden or something."

Alistair grinned. "I am what we call, a Grey Warden, but I also own a pub downtown. It's called Alistair's House of Whine and Cheese." He over emphasized the H in whine.

Dean laughed while Castiel cocked his head to the side, confused.

"Bartenders are really well known for how well they listen to their customers' problems," Dean explained. "Sometimes customers can get pretty whiney while they drink away their misery."

Castiel nodded in understanding. "So when you fill in here for Ellen sometimes, you have to listen to people's problems?"

"Yup, pretty much. It's part of the job; the longer they sit and talk, the more they drink, the higher their tab at the end of the evening. And if you've done a good job of it-"

"...The bigger the tip." Alistair finished for him. Dean and Alistair shared a grin.

Alistair was saved from Castiel's smitey glare , when Jo dropped two baskets off in the middle of their table. "Let me know if you guys need anything else. Your burgers will be out shortly."

Alistair took his first bite of the deep fried cheese curd and moaned wantonly. "Oh, Sweet Maker! Cullen! You have to try this!" He placed the second half of the curd up to Cullen's lips, who dutifully sucked it from his fingers.

"That's pretty good. Do I need to learn how to make these back home?"

Alistair's eyes lit up. "Oh, would you? We could get a deep fryer and you can teach me how to—"

"No!" Cullen said sternly. "Absolutely not! You're a menace in the kitchen, I'm not about to let you loose near boiling oil."

Alistair pouted. "You're no fun."

"Someone's gotta keep you out of trouble."

"Yeah, yeah." Alistair went back to devouring the deep fried cheese.

Cullen cleared his throat. "So... you said you're called hunters? I'm assuming that doesn't mean you hunt wild game for meat. Does it have a different meaning here? "

Dean nodded and lowered his voice. "We hunt the things that go bump in the night to keep people safe."

"An admirable endeavor," Cullen smiled watching Alistair devour most of appetizers. "And sounds very familiar."

As Jo returned with their burgers, Alistair's eyes grew wide at the cheesy goodness laid before him. "Oh Maker, Jo! I think I love you! If you ever get bored working here, I'd totally hire you to work at my pub."

Cullen rolled his eyes and elbowed Alistair. " Flirt ! Knock it off, you're going to give her a complex. Next, you'll be offering to teach her how to juggle bottles of alcohol to sway her to the darkside."

"You can do that? Juggle the bottles, I mean?" Jo grinned excitedly.

Alistair cackled. "Oh, honey. Friday and Saturday nights are legendary at my place! We call them wild weekends and cater to a crowd much like this one." He indicated the growing number of customers gathering around the bar and on the dancefloor.

"Could you teach us?" Dean looked between Jo and Alistair. "I mean, both Jo and I are already pretty coordinated and manage some pretty fancy pouring, but we've never actually juggled the bottles behind the bar before." He grinned at Jo, suddenly. "Hey Jo, remember that movie we used to watch as kids… what was it called?"

"It was called Cocktail, you moron. That was some pretty fancy bottle tossing. We used to dream about doing that, but mom got mad when we broke the empty whiskey bottles trying to practice."

Alistair finished off another cheese-sauce coated fry. "I'd be happy to. Let me finish this cheese fest you've placed in front of me and as long as your mom doesn't mind me being behind the bar, we can certainly have a go."

Cullen grinned at Castiel who had gone very quiet during the conversation. "You are going to love this."

He still looked fairly unimpressed. "We'll see," was all he said before diving into his burger.

Jo did a little jump and grinned excitedly. "Awesome! Then maybe after the crowd dies down, I'll return the favor by showing you how to throw knives."

"Oh, and the gloves are now off. This is going to get ugly before the night is through." Alistair cackled.

Cullen smirked at Jo. "You do realize that—"

Alistair placed his finger over Cullen's lips. "It's okay, love. If this sweet young thing wants to teach me something new . It would be rude of me to refuse." He grinned mischievously. "Dinner, then juggling, followed by knife throwing for dessert. I never thought, when I woke up this morning, my day would be this exciting!" He picked up his burger and was lost in the flavor as he moaned around a huge bite.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

For Lola Vega / Lola Auditore: Alistair in the kitchen... ;) Never a good thing!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary:**

Alistair shows off at the Roadhouse  
The boys meet Ellen  
And is Cass... jealous?

* * *

 **Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural Crossover**

 **Chapter 5**

 **The Roadhouse Part 2**

* * *

As they finished their burgers and fries, Jo came by and tossed a t-shirt at Alistair who snatched it deftly out of the air. "What's this for?" He looked at the black shirt that looked much like his own bar attire back home, only this one had the words Harvelle's Roadhouse written across the back in white lettering.

"If you're going behind the bar, you need to look the part. Your…" She waved vaguely at Alistair's attire. " Whatever you're wearing, might draw a little too much attention and I figured, you might want to lose the coat you've been covering up with so you can move around."

"I don't have any trouble moving in my trench coat, Jo." Castiel reminded her.

" He's not an 'Angel of the Lord', Cass. Not everyone is as nimble as Dean says you are." She winked and Dean.

Castiel flushed at the insinuation.

"It's true." Alistair grinned deviously. "I've never had formal training in fighting in full length ball gowns, Cullen on the other hand—"

Cullen snorted into his beer and glared at Alistair. "I do not fight in a ball gown!" he said indignantly. "I wear police issued fatigues."

"Well now you wear pants like a normal person, but you used to wear a skirt with your armor!" Alistair's eyes twinkled with mischief.

"It was my tabard—part of my Chantry uniform." Cullen sulked, "It wasn't a dress."

Patting Cullen's cheek, Alistair leaned in and kissed him on the tip of his nose. "You keep telling yourself that, love." Turning to Jo, he held up the shirt. "And thank you for this. I appreciate it."

Sliding out of his seat, Alistair removed the oversized trench coat, handing it off to Cullen. "Do you, uh… have someplace that I can change?" he asked Jo.

She gave him quick directions to the men's room, then turned to Dean. "Are you ready for this?"

"Chill out, Jo." Dean grinned. "It's just bartending," he said nonchalantly.

"It's not just bartending, Dean. Cass, tell him! This is freaking Cocktail, right here… in my bar." Jo screeched loudly and turned, glaring at her mother who'd just snapped a towel against her ass.

"Who's bar is it?" Ellen asked with one eyebrow quirked.

"Yours, Ma." Jo said, chastised.

"Why don't you go find some empty bottles you can start with before you try breaking the ones filled with booze?" At Jo's nod and hasty retreat, Ellen turned to Cullen. "You must be the boys here to help with our situation." She held her hand out, which Cullen stood and shook, firmly.

"We'll do our best to help while we're here, ma'am. We need to get back to our home eventually, so that we can fix things there as well. Hopefully, being here will be fortuitous on both fronts." He smiled warmly, still refusing to sit.

"See that, Dean? This one's got manners." She smiled at Cullen. "Take a seat, son. We don't stand on formalities around here. My name is Ellen, and if you need anything, anything at all, you just let me know. I lost my husband to shit like this; I will do whatever it takes to keep my daughter out of the life for as long as possible."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ellen. I'm Cullen and this charming redhead is Alistair." He pointed behind her where Alistair was waiting patiently.

Ellen turned and took in Alistair's bright smile. "So you're the hotshot who's going to get some of my bottles broken tonight?"

"The goal is to not drop any."

"How often do you lose a bottle?"

"I went two years without an incident . Though there are repercussions at my bar if I drop one, so I try really hard not to."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" Ellen asked, intrigued.

Cullen chuckled. "We auction him off as punishment. He has to kiss the highest bidder and then we donate all the proceeds to various charities."

Castiel looked at Cullen, horrified. "You willingly let him kiss others… for money ?"

"Well, the rule was in effect long before I met him, and now he has that much more motivation to not drop one." He explained.

Alistair added, "I've only dropped one since we've been together, and trust me, that's not an experience I want to relive."

Dean snickered. "I bet you spent a lot of money to keep his lips all for yourself."

Cullen blushed. "Well, I would have. But his co-bartender instituted a new rule that night; since I get to kiss him all the time anyway, I don't get to bid. When the crowd cheered their agreement, there wasn't anything I could do."

"You could have said, No." Castiel said heatedly.

Cullen grinned, pulling Alistair down into his lap. "Oh make no mistake, he more than made it up to me later that night. And, like I said, there's been no other dropped bottles since. Besides, the other bartender drops bottles enough to keep everyone happy."

Dean placed his hand gently on Castiel's shoulder, who looked at his husband with a slight quirk of his head. They locked eyes and seemed to carry on a silent conversation.

Castiel eventually turned back to where Alistair was still sitting on Cullen's lap. "My apologies. It doesn't matter how long I've been on earth, sometimes there are things that I still don't understand." Turning to Dean, he kissed him on the cheek. "Go have fun with the bottles, beloved. I will watch from here and keep Ser Cullen company.

Cullen cleared his throat. "It's uh, just Cullen now. But I would like the company, thank you." He kissed Alistair behind his ear. "Go, do your thing, love. But behave yourself."

"What? Me?! I'm shocked and offended you would think that I would misbehave." Alistair held his hand to his chest in mock affront.

With a roll of his eyes, Cullen pulled him in for a quick kiss on the lips. "Asking you to behave is like asking you to give up cheese. Just… no backflips off the bar, ok? Limit your showing off."

"Yes, dear." Alistair kissed him again, then stood and looked at Dean. "Shall we get this show on the road?"

Dean grinned at Jo who was waiting for them behind the bar, a line of bottles set out waiting for them. "If we don't get over there soon, Jo might be tempted to start throwing the bottles at us from there."

"Well, we can't have that." Alistair led the way over.

Ellen knocked her knuckles twice on the table. "I'll bring you two boys another round while the circus is in town over there." She smiled fondly, then left to retrieve their beers.

"Thank you," they said in unison before cheers erupted over by the bar.

Cullen shook his head with a fond smile. "That cheer can only mean that Alistair is already showing off." He looked at Castiel apologetically. "Sometimes he just can't help himself."

"I did just see his feet in the air, but it looks like he has followed your request and hasn't been on top of the bar yet."

" Yet , being the operative word. It's only a matter of time. I swear if he had wings, his feet would never touch the ground."

Castiel shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No. It's nothing you'd have prior knowledge of. My wings were… well, they were damaged and are taking a long time to heal."

Cullen sat stunned. "You… you have wings?" He blinked, trying to focus just past Castiel's shoulder. "I suppose you would," he whispered quietly. "I'm sorry that you were injured. Um… would it be possible for me to… I mean, can I… see them?"

A horrified look crossed Castiel's face. "No… um… my wings are very personal." He rolled his shoulders unconsciously. "Only my husband gets thatprivilege."

Cullen blushed. "I didn't realize; I'm sorry to have asked." He ducked his head while rubbing the back of his neck. "Please forgive my intrusion. You're right, I… didn't know. Would it be possible to talk with you about… things of faith? Mine has been tested so many times and, though I've managed to hold strong, meeting an actual seraph of the Maker. It just… It solidifies my beliefs."

"I would be happy to answer any questions that I am able, Cullen. Though, I will tell you, as with any hierarchy of command, there are some things that I will undoubtedly be unable to reveal. But if it is within my power, I will be happy to share." He crooked his lip in a small semblance of a smile.

"So, for starters, let's establish some boundaries. We already know that wings are off the table."

Castiel looked over his shoulder then at the table in front of them, confused. "My wings have never been on the table."

"No, I meant..." Cullen laughed. "Never mind. So—" Whatever he was about to ask was interrupted by another loud cheer from the bar.

Castiel turned and watched the show with a tight lipped smile.

Cullen just laughed as both Jo and Dean continued to drop bottles.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Another short addition! My next chapter will be out around the first of July. I'm going on vacation next week, so here's hoping for lots of good, quiet, writing time.  
*ROFL*  
Who am I kidding? I have kids. But, I will do my best!

This one was a little delayed (my apologies) because I was two timing with another little morsel titled 'Control' that is currently out for final edits. If you follow me directly, you'll see that posted in the next day or two. (That's another, 'I blame Ponticle' story, as it's prompted from one of their pieces called "First Dates". I took Alistair's second date with Cullen and ran with the aftermath-totally NSFW-I hope you like it! ;)

As always, I wish to thank my ever faithful, Ponticle, for their diligence and support in making my writing **shiny**. They're honestly the best!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary:**

This one has a lot of lore in it. There are some 'spoilers' from the end of season 12 and throughout most of season 13 of Supernatural. True to form, however, I've taken what was in the show and twisted it to make it my own. So yes, spoilers, but really - which ones are real? hmmm.

Anyway...  
An ex-templar and an angel walk into a bar (because I couldn't resist saying that!)  
And this is what you get when they're left alone to 'chat'.  
This chapter isn't terribly exciting, that will happen next chapter (the whole reason this piece was given an M status) *wiggles eyebrows*

* * *

 **Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural Crossover**

 **Chapter 6**

 **A Conversation Between an ex-Templar and an Angel**

* * *

Cullen sat back enjoying his beer while Alistair showed off behind the bar. Dean and Jo were getting the hang of juggling bottles, which allowed for Alistair to get a little fancier with his showing off. True to his word, he kept his feet off the bar, but the large space behind it allowed for some of his more elaborate backflips, twirls, and aerials while flipping bottles and bouncing various receptacles off his elbows.

He was definitely in his element.

Dean and Jo looked like they were having a great time. His companion at the table, however, appeared to be barely containing his displeasure with their playfulness. When Dean dropped yet another bottle, Alistair placed his hands on Dean's hips to reposition his stance, then guided him into another toss, which he landed perfectly to cheers and high fives all around. To Cullen, this was a natural training tactic: redirect the stance and the sword work would follow. Castiel, however, seemed to have a different opinion on the matter.

He looked ready to kill .

His furrowed brow and pursed lips spoke volumes of how he felt about someone else putting their hands on his husband. With a gentle touch on Castiel's wrist, Cullen brought his attention back to the table. After a tense moment, where he swore that Castiel's eyes glowed blue, he smiled kindly and lifted his beer in a silent salute. Removing his hand from Castiel's wrist, they both drank, eyes locked together, a silent challenge.

"Alistair and I are not a threat to you or your husband," Cullen began. "He is naturally friendly and his humor tends to come off as flirty, but I can assure you that he and I do not waver from each other."

Another cheer from the bar drew their attention; Dean was smiling over at Castiel , proudly waving the bottles in his hands.

Cullen continued, "Seeing Dean with you —y ou have to know how much you mean to him."

Castiel frowned at him. "How do you—?"

"I'm a detective," Cullen interjected, simply. "Observing people is what I do. I also get it. I'd be lying if I said that I've never felt jealous over how easily Alistair charms people."

"But, how do you deal with it?" Castiel asked, hesitantly.

Cullen shrugged. "Honestly? Lots of really amazing sex!"

Castiel sputtered, "Really?"

"Really." Cullen laughed. "It helps to know that when he closes the bar, he comes home to me and never lets me forget how much he loves me. So, I do my best to put my faith in us." He grinned. "I see the way that you and Dean look at each other too… there's something pure and perfect in that kind of love. It radiates off you both. You must have been through a lot to look at each other that way."

Castiel looked into his beer with a small quirk to his mouth. "I pulled him out of hell."

Cullen gaped at Castiel. "What? Like… literally ?"

He nodded. "My garrison was sent to retrieve 'the righteous man' from Hell. I was the first one to him and the only one to make it out alive." He sighed sadly. "Dean was so broken when I found him. It's not my place to tell you all the details, but suffice it to say, repairing him was no easy task. Going through that with him… well, it created a profound bond between us." He picked at the paper on his beer with a sheepish smile.

"Wow," Cullen muttered. "That's just… I can't even imagine. Have you been together ever since?"

Castiel shook his head. "It took us several years to finally admit our feelings for each other. As his brother is so fond of saying, we had to pull our heads out of our asses before we could see what was right in front of us. But, once we got past that rather large hurdle, there was no denying it. Dean…" Castiel looked longingly over to his husband. "Dean is my everything. I fell for him; not just in love—though there is that too. I gave up everything for him: the heavenly host, my wings; I even became human, for a time. My father had other plans for me though, and eventually gave me back my wings and angelic grace as a wedding present."

"Your union was blessed by The Maker himself, and you're still worried about someone else stealing your husband away?"

"I didn't say my feelings were logical. In fact, there are many things that still don't make sense to me. I'm doing my best to learn, though. There's just so much that I don't understand. Thankfully, Dean is a very patient man."

"So, you really are a full fledged angel." Cullen's voice was full of awe. "Man, I just… wow. I'm sorry; I'm not sure what else I can say to that."

Castiel nodded. "We've had Templars here on earth before—a long time ago—but they were just warriors fighting for the church. Regular men and women getting their hands dirty in the name of my father." He scoffed, "As if my father would weigh in on those petty squabbles. He designed his children to have free-will, to make mistakes and learn from them. He never intended to micromanage everything." He squinted at Cullen. "You're not like they were, though. Your light shines almost as brightly as Dean's, which makes me think that you're more than just a simple warrior of God."

Cullen nodded. "Templars, where I'm from, can be more than that, though we do have simple warriors of the Maker too. I'm what we call an awakened Templar. I can see things that the average person can't. Supernatural phenomena, dark spawn, magic—"

"Not everyone can see these things where you are from?"

"No. I guess you could say that our world has two realities. There are regular humans leading normal, everyday lives. A small percentage of us have what we call the sight, we can see what the average person cannot. Of those who are aware, there are some that also have extra abilities. Alistair, for example, is faster and stronger than the average person. He needs to be to fight the things he fights. As a Warden, he is charged with protecting the world from things that come through little rifts in the veil. Warden's fight darkspawn and demons, then clean up the area and weave stories so the average person doesn't see the true horror that was there."

"It sounds a little like being a Hunter here." Castiel glanced quickly over to where Dean was carefully tossing bottles back and forth with Jo. "You said Alistair was faster and stronger, but we saw him seal the portal too…"

Cullen nodded. "As a guardian of the veil, Alistair can both open and close those tears. He can also sense the creatures that come through."

"You mean the demons?"

"Demons and darkspawn are very different. The corpses on the ground near where we came through, those were darkspawn. They are fairly common where we're from—at least, to those who can see them . "

"They are fairly new to this world. Angels and Demons—we've been fighting for years; the battle between heaven and hell is as old as time. There are other supernatural creatures here as well: vampires, werewolves, ghouls, witches, and fae; these are all things we fight on a weekly basis. It's only been the last few months that this new species has come into play. The first tear appeared the day my son was born."

"Some of those creatures are familiar to me, but not others. Wait… you have a son?"

"Dean and I have taken in two children as our own. Claire shares my DNA, but lost both of her parents. She is a young adult now and shares time between our home in Lebanon, Kansas and here in Sioux Falls with her other guardian, Jody. Jack is a product of my brother, Lucifer, and a human woman named Kelly, who died in childbirth. I was there with his mother throughout her pregnancy and developed a bond with Jack, in utero. Unfortunately, Lucifer killed me before I could meet him on the day he was born and I-"

"Wait! You died!?"

"A few times now, actually. It's not pleasant; I don't recommend it," he deadpanned then smirked. "I'm… much better now."

"I can see that." Cullen chuckled. "You said something about your son being born correlating to the new creatures you've been seeing?"

"Like I said, Jack is a product of my brother, an archangel, and a human. He is a nephilim and is quite powerful."

"A nephilim… is that dangerous?"

"They have the potential to be, but Jack isn't… Jack was lucky to be with my husband and his brother when he was born. They are both good men with good hearts. They have taught me what it means to be a good man. To be a good human. I do my best, but even Angels falter in our paths sometime." He chuckled to himself. "But Jack, he is pure and beautiful and not-perfect. He chooses free will over what his 'destiny' is supposed to be. I couldn't be happier to call him my son."

"You said that the darkspawn have only been coming through for the last six months or so… so Jack is just a baby?"

"Well, no… I mean, he should be, but, his growth was accelerated by necessity. It was too dangerous for him to be a baby for long, so he currently looks to be around eighteen or so."

"How is that possible?"

"Apparently his powers have built-in self preservation mechanisms. When I died, he knew that he needed to be able to protect himself. Being an infant would have left him too vulnerable, so after he was born, he aged rapidly. When Dean and Sam found him, shortly after he was born, Jack already appeared to be teenager. He was frightened and alone. It was their love and support that kept my family together when they thought I was gone forever." Castiel hung his head, sadly. "From what I've been told, it nearly broke Dean. He had a hard time bonding with Jack at first, but Sam was there and stepped in." Castiel smiled wistfully. "I really am blessed with the best family."

Cullen returned the smile. "I can see that. So, where is everyone now?"

"Sam is with my brother Gabriel, back at home. They're currently trying to find a way for us to open our own portal for a rescue mission. Claire is with a local family of misfit hunters here in Sioux Falls. She recently lost someone very special to her and is having a hard time adjusting. Jack is… well, we hope that Jack is with my mother-in-law, Mary. He was trying to rescue her from another world, but he doesn't have complete control of his powers yet and got separated from the rest of the group. We theorize that it's his lack of control that might be causing all of these current rifts, especially if he's trying to get home to us."

"If there's some way for us to identify where they are, maybe Alistair can help to get you there and bring them home again," Cullen supplied.

"That is my hope. We're not sure how to do that, though. There are infinite worlds and no way yet of showing you which way to go. In the meantime, we've been working overtime trying to figure out how to contain all of these rifts while trying to figure out how to open our own so we can go in and retrieve Mom and Jack." He slumped over his beer with a long sigh. "I'm sorry, it's just… we're all a little exhausted and overwhelmed. You two have come at the most opportune time for us. I know you have your own troubles that you're facing back home, but hopefully, we'll be able to work together so I can get my family back together again."

"Castiel, if it is within our power, we will do our best to assist you. You have my word."

With a grateful nod, he turned his gaze back to the cheering crowd at the bar. "Thank you, Cullen. You don't know what that means to me." He paused a moment, then added, "and… thank you for the other advice as well. Like I said, some of these human emotions tend to get the better of me. At least now I may have a way of… working through some of the less desirable ones." With a smirk, he drained the rest of his beer.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Thank you as always to the ever delightful, **Ponticle** for editing, giving me opinions, listening to me whine, and just generally making me a better writer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary:**

Castiel comes to terms with his jealousy and figures out how to alleviate his frustrations. ;)  
(I don't think Dean's going to complain one little bit)

* * *

 **Notes:**

This Chapter is NSFW! You've been warned!  
Um... enjoy. ;)

* * *

 **Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural Crossover**

 **Chapter 7**

 **Knockin' on Heaven's Door**

* * *

Castiel and Cullen watched Dean and Jo practice with Alistair behind the bar for the better part of an hour. They looked to be having a good time: laughing and joking about. The few times that Alistair touched Dean to correct his stance or direct his posture, Castiel felt his chest tighten with that unfamiliar jealous heat—even after Cullen's reassurances. Coupled with how amazing Dean looked dancing behind the counter, Castiel was a mess of want and possessiveness.

When they finished their lesson—amongst cheers from the crowd—Dean and Alistair returned to the table, while Jo went back to waiting tables. Castiel barely registered Alistair slipping into the booth next to Cullen; his eyes narrowed on Dean who stood at the end of the bench, flushed and smiling, with one eyebrow raised in question.

Slowly sliding out of his seat, Castiel grabbed Dean's wrist and growled quietly into his ear, "You need to come with me… now." The whimper Dean emitted was audible only to Castiel's sensitive hearing and went straight to his cock as he pulled Dean along toward the employees only area of the bar.

"Uh, guys. We'll be right back." Dean said quickly over his shoulder as he was unceremoniously dragged away.

Castiel led Dean to the storeroom in the back. Locking the door behind them, he surveyed their surroundings.

"Cass?"

Smiling wickedly at something behind Dean, Castiel sealed their lips together possessively, fingers fisted tightly in Dean's sweaty hair. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" he chastised between kisses, pushing Dean backward step-by-step. "We are in the middle of a very serious case. There isn't time to be this distracted-or this aroused. And yet here you are, flaunting yourself and flirting, making me both."

He pushed Dean down into an old wooden chair that was sitting against the back wall. He stood with one leg on either side of Dean's lap. "Look at me, Dean."

Dean raised his eyes to meet Castiel's.

"No, Dean." Castiel reprimanded. "I said look at me." He began to caress the obvious bulge in the front of his slacks, just inches from Dean's face.

"Fuck," Dean whispered as Castiel continued to outline the hard ridges with his long fingers.

"There's no time for that now. But, I do think we should do something about this… don't you?"

Dean nodded, then slowly ran both hands up the back of Castiel's thighs and gripped his ass. He leaned in to mouth over Castiel's erection, but Castiel dropped himself onto Dean's lap and sealed their lips together in a heated kiss instead.

"Do you know what's going to happen when we get back to the bunker, Beloved?"

Dean moaned as Castiel ground their erections together, shaking his head.

"I'm going to take you apart piece by piece and put you back together again, like I did when I raised you from perdition. Only this time, there will be no gripping tight, Dean. No touching yourself at all. I'm going to open you up with my fingers and tongue. Then I'm going to use our large plug and fuck you with it until you're on the very edge where I'll stop and leave it deep inside, filling you so full. Would you like that, my love?"

He swallowed audibly, nodding, and tried to thrust up into each roll of Castiel's hips; seeking more friction, seeking more anything . "Cass, please," he begged.

"Shhh, baby. Not yet. Soon." Castiel kissed him deeply, then nibbled his way down his neck grinding harder. "After I've got you suitably debauched, you're going to lay there and watch while I get myself open and ready for you. No touching. I want you to see what you do to me, how much I want you-my cock ridged and leaking as I stroke myself slowly, three fingers buried deep in my ass. Once I'm ready, Dean, I will climb on top of you and ride you until I come screaming your name, and only then will you be allowed to come. Do you hear me, my dearest? Only when I say, will you be allowed to come."

Breaths coming in quick gasps now, Dean could barely contain his release. "Please, Cass. So close." His fingers were gripping Castiel's hips so tight, if it were anyone else, he would have left bruises.

"You like the sound of that. Don't you? Me fucking myself on you until we both come."

"Yes, baby. So much." Dean panted, his face scrunched together in pleasure and pain.

"You are so good for me, beloved. So beautiful, so perfect. Come for me, Dean. Let go, give this to me, now."

Dean stilled below him, his body going rigid with his orgasm. The look of pure rapture that crossed his face was everything Castiel needed and he followed soon after. Thrusting through their release, Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's as they slowly caught their breath.

Finally opening his eyes, Castiel caught the questioning look from his husband. "Not that I'm complaining, Angel. But, where did all that come from?"

Castiel bowed his head in shame.

"Holy, Chuck! You were jealous!" Dean started laughing.

"It's not funny, Dean. I had all these conflicting feelings going through me—how hot you looked dancing behind the bar and how much I really didn't like seeing Alistair touch you—and I didn't know what to do about it."

"Baby, you know you're it for me, right? I would never—"

"I know, Dean, but even still." Castiel took a deep breath, then looked down at the wet spots seeping through their clothes. "I think we made a mess." Castiel raised two fingers and with a brief touch to Dean's forehead, cleaned them both up.

"Ya think?" Dean snorted, then they both started laughing. Wrapping his arms around Castiel, he hugged him tight until their giggles subsided. As they started to catch their breath, the chair beneath them gave an ominous-sounding squeak.

Standing just in time, the chair crashed to the ground in a splintered heap, which caused them to start laughing all over again.

"I think we broke the chair, Dean." Castiel grinned. "Do you think I should fix it?"

"Really, dude? No. Just leave it."

"But, Dean? That wasn't our chair, we can't leave it like that."

"Yes. Yes we can. C'mon, we gotta get back. Those two are probably wondering what happened to us."

Castiel blushed.

"What? Cass, what'd you do?"

"This may have been Cullen's idea."

"Wait, what? He told you to drag me back here and have your way with me?"

"Well, no. Not exactly. We were discussing how he manages to cope with his occasional jealousy… and he said he gets through it with lots of really amazing sex." Castiel looked up with a grin. "I have to agree with him; I am feeling much better already."

Dean threw his head back and laughed.

Leaving the broken chair behind, they left the room, hand-in-hand and returned to the table looking a little more disheveled than when they left.

* * *

Cullen watched them approach with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smirk.

Alistair high-fived Dean across the table. "I can't tell you how many times I've been dragged off between shows." He grinned at Cullen. "Judging by how disheveled their hair is, I'd hate to see the room they just emerged from." He tossed back a shot that was waiting for them on the table and Cullen tried to cover his laugh with a cough.

"Yeah, yeah, you two. Laugh it up," Dean said. "I can honestly say there are worse ways to end a shift at the bar."

Castiel took a swig of his beer while the others chuckled. Ellen suddenly appeared at the edge of their table, looking pissed. She smacked Dean in the back of the head.

"Ow! What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his head.

"You broke my chair," she said, then pointed a finger at Castiel. "And I expected better from you!"

Both Dean and Castiel looked down, abashed. "We're sorry, Ellen," they said in unison.

"If we didn't need you out there fighting so badly, I'd do a whole hell of a lot worse to you. Cass, go fix the damn chair. Dean, next time, keep it in your pants."

"But, it never left my—"

"Nope! Nuh-uh. I don't wanna hear it!" She turned and surreptitiously winked at Alistair and Cullen before walking off with a smirk.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you to my writing group **The Keystrokes** who helped brainstorm with me and who are ultimately to blame for the poor broken chair, the clothed frottage, and a few other key points that happened in this chapter. :)

And, as always, my eternal gratitude goes out to **Ponticle** for just being the best, bad ass editor a humble writer could ask for.


	8. Chapter 8

**We're Not in Thedas Anymore**

 **Chapter 8: Claire**

* * *

 **Summary:**

Just when they're recovering from the embarrassment of the broken chair incident, someone they love arrives injured.

* * *

 **Notes:**

I hope you enjoy the new addition! And please note, that I've added two more chapters to the total count and there will be an epilogue after that! I'm still working on the epilogue, but everything else is complete and just waiting on edits and my final edit for me to post. The next one should be up on schedule (in two weeks)!

* * *

 **Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural Crossover**

 **Chapter 8**

 **Claire**

* * *

Castiel came back to the table, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I told you we should have fixed the chair, Dean," he said as he sat down. "Ellen always finds out and we never get away with it."

Alistair belted out a laugh. "So, this wasn't the first time you—"

The sound of the front door banging open drew their attention.

A female sheriff, with short, salt and pepper hair, stood in the entrance looking around frantically. In her arms was a barely conscious young woman whose long blonde hair was matted with debris and blood. The arm not currently slung around the sheriff's shoulder, was hanging unnaturally at the girl's side.

"Claire!" Castiel suddenly shouted and dashed across the room, scooping his daughter effortlessly into his arms.

"Cass, take her into my office," barked Ellen, from behind the bar. "She'll be more comfortable there while you check her over."

As Castiel hurried away, cradling Claire to his chest, Dean stepped up to the sheriff, pulling her into a tight hug. "Jody, are you okay?" He began to check over her blood speckled uniform, searching for injuries.

She brushed him off. "Dean, stop. I'm fine. None of this belongs to me. I'm tired, yes, but it's nothing a stiff scotch and a good night's sleep can't cure."

He pulled her in for another hug. "Thank Chuck! Let's go back and see how my lil' princess is doing and you can tell us what happened."

"You know she hates it when you call her that," Jody chided.

A mischievous grin lit his face. "She really does." Keeping one arm protectively around her shoulder, Dean led Jody over to their table. "Alistair, Cullen; this is Sheriff Jody Mills. She's one of the best damn hunters around."

They shook hands and murmured greetings. Alistair turned to Dean, worried. "Is Claire... going to be okay?"

Dean smiled, reassuringly. "She will now; she's with Cass. Trust me, he's healed me of far worse."

Alistair visibly relaxed. "Is there anything we can do?"

"Why don't you see if Ellen has a bottle of scotch we can take to the back? It's probably better for us to continue our discussion in her office anyway."

They nodded their agreement and walked over to the bar while Dean guided Jody away.

"Don't y'all worry now, her father is a healer by nature; that girl couldn't be in better hands," Ellen soothed her agitated customers. "The next round is on the house."

As the cheer went up from the now distracted crowd, Jo, Ash, and Ellen began to quickly fill the orders.

Seeing Alistair and Cullen hovering toward the back of the line, Ellen waved them over to the side of the bar. "What can I get you boys?"

"Dean requested a bottle of scotch," Alistair said.

"Doesn't surprise me. He puts on a good front, but I know it kills him every time Claire gets hurt, and Jody isn't much better." She grabbed a bottle from below the bar and passed it over with four small tumblers. "You better hurry on back, if I know that boy, he's not going to be happy until he sees his daughter whole again and has a stiff drink in hand to soothe his nerves."

With nods of thanks, Alistair and Cullen made their way toward the back; raised voices let them know which room to head toward.

"Pop, tell him I'm fine!" An indignant whine came from inside.

As Cullen pushed it open, they found Claire fully healed, her jeans and black leather jacket cleaned and repaired. She was sitting petulantly on a sofa across from what was, presumably, Ellen's desk.

"You are only 'fine'," Castiel emphasized the word with air quotes. "…because I was able to heal you. Your arm was dislocated and broken in three places, Claire, and the swelling in your brain… I don't even want to think about what would have happened if Jody hadn't found us so quickly." With misty eyes, he turned toward the sheriff. "Thank you, Jody, for bringing her to me."

Jody nodded solemnly and Claire opened her mouth to talk, but Dean cut her off. "You'll get your chance, Blondie. Right now, you need to give your father a chance to calm down. Sit—stay. Don't do anything stupid for the next ten minutes, okay?"

She crossed her arms, but sat back quietly.

With a sigh, Dean leaned over and kissed her on the top of the head. "You scared him—and me. You can't keep throwing yourself into danger; you mean too much to us to keep risking your life that way." He tucked her hair behind her ear, then turned to wrap an arm around Castiel's waist.

Jody looked pointedly at the two new additions standing just inside the door, then back at Dean with one eyebrow raised in question.

Dean swore. "Shit. I'm sorry, Jody. Alistair and Cullen are cool, they're hunters—of sorts—where they're from. They popped out of that last portal Patience sent us to for clean up. We've been trying to figure out if the issues they've been having in their world are related to the ones we've been having here. Like, maybe we can help each other out, y'know?"

Jody visibly relaxed and accepted the two fingers of scotch that Alistair poured for her with a grateful nod. He poured three more glasses and passed them out.

"Hey, where's mine?" Claire asked petulantly.

"You can't have any, you're not old enough." Castiel looked at her sternly.

"Oh, it's fine for me to go out and kick some ass, but I can't have a glass of scotch to wash it down?"

"I'd prefer that you didn't do either." Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned his head on Dean's shoulder.

Dean tightened his arm around Castiel's waist. "Careful there, Blondie. You're going to give your old man grey hair."

"He's already older than dirt—like literally . It's not like I can—"

"Claire, if you don't want to see his smitey face, you might just want to drop that thought before you can finish it." Dean leveled his gaze at her. "You've been on a kamikaze mission ever since you lost Kaia. Now, I get it-believe me. Watching the person you love die is just—" Dean choked up, cleared his throat, and tried again, "Your Dad, Jody, and I have all been there. No one should have to go through that. But we push through and keep moving forward. You can't just throw it all away like that; you have too many people around who love you. Don't put us through losing you too."

Claire sniffled, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She abruptly stood and wrapped her arms around her fathers, burying her face in their chests.

Jody inched closer to Alistair, who quickly poured her another drink while they waited for the family moment to finish playing out.

Dean was the first to clear his throat and step out of the embrace. "All right, all right. Enough of these chick flick moments." He ruffled Claire's hair, who batted his hand away, then slumped back down onto the sofa.

"Now that there's no more immediate danger, Jody, can you tell us what happened?" asked Castiel, pleadingly.

"While you were at your portal, Patience had a vision of another one opening. Before I could get my gear together, biker barbie over here, rushed off half cocked. By the time I got there and took them out, those demon-spawn creatures had already done a number on her. Thankfully, the damn portal wasn't open very long. As it was, I just wanted to get Claire to you as soon as possible."

Castiel sat on the sofa next to Claire and pulled her into his arms. She melted into him begrudgingly. "I'm glad you did. She can be as stubborn as Dean—" He grinned at his husband, then back at Jody while Dean rolled his eyes dramatically. "But life just wouldn't be the same without either of them."

Claire snorted a laugh and put her hand out to high-five Dean, who returned it enthusiastically.

"Someone's gotta keep you on your toes." Dean winked. "We figure, since you're a bad-ass 'Angel of the Lord', and all that, we gotta stick together to balance things out a bit."

"Yeah, Dad. We were holding our own until Jack came along and ruined the lead we were gaining." She pushed her shoulder into Castiel, who looked unimpressed.

"Kid kinda grew on me though." She smirked. "So, when are we going to go get him and Grandma Mary?"

"We were just going to go over our options before you two came in." Dean looked at Alistair. "Part of the problem, up 'till now, was that we were lacking in arch-angel mojo to open the portal. But, Alistair here may have a solution to that little hurdle for us."

"Uncle Gabe is still pretty weak, huh?" Claire asked.

"After so many years of Asmodeus draining his grace, it's going to take awhile for him to get back up to speed." Castiel sighed. "And with Lucifer still M.I.A. we were out of options—until now."

Alistair walked over and leaned up against Ellen's desk; setting the bottle down beside him. "Where we're from, it's my job to guard the veil between worlds." Alistair looked at Dean, who nodded for him to continue. "One of the 'perks' of my job is being able to cut and repair holes in the veil. Dean and Cass seem to think that I can assist in cutting through to where Jack and Mary are, but I'm going to need something that will direct me to the desired world you want to go to. We didn't exactly end up here on purpose. We've had an increase in these rifts forming in our world, as well. We were in the middle of our own investigation when we stumbled upon your world accidentally." Alistair shared a worried look with Cullen.

Jody, of course, noticed. "You have people you're trying to save as well?"

"We do." Cullen answered, wrapping his arm around Alistair.

"While we're here, our friends and family are fighting this mess back home. There are more rifts and darkspawn than we've ever seen before. We will do what we can to help you reunite with your family, but then we need to get back to our own as well."

Cullen leaned against Alistair. "Kieran is safe, my love. Morrigan would never let anyone near him."

Alistair scoffed. "I'd like to see anyone even try." I know he's safe. Doesn't mean that I don't miss him."

Jody asked, "Kieran is—?"

Alistair pulled out his wallet and shared the picture he carried. "Kieran is my son. I know what it feels like to be separated from family. I would do anything to get back to him, so I'll do anything you need to get your family back together as well."

Before anyone could respond, Dean's phone started buzzing in his pocket. Looking at the screen, Dean's face lit up before he answered, "Heya, Sammy, what's up?"

* * *

 **Notes:**

Thank you for your continued support on this little endeavor of mine. I'm really loving writing this world mixed with my cocktails and cheese world. It makes me ridiculously happy.

As always, I want to thank the ever indulgent, **Ponticle,** for their support and eagle-eye in catching all the crap that I miss! They are truly my hero!


	9. Chapter 9

**We're Not in Thedas Anymore**

 **Chapter 9: Sammy**

* * *

 **Summary:**

The team gets an update from Sam.  
Plans change.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Thanks for sticking with me! I hope you enjoy this next little bit of the story.

* * *

 **Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural Crossover**

 **Chapter 9**

 **Sammy**

* * *

Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket and answered it. "Heya, Sammy, what's up? Yeah, Cass is here, so is Jody, Claire, and a couple of hunters we met earlier today. Uh huh? Wait, she did what? No, hold on. Let me put you on speaker so I don't have to repeat this."

Dean pulled the phone from his ear and hit a button on the screen. "Okay Sammy, you're on. The two new voices belong to Alistair and Cullen."

"Hello, Sammy. I'm Alistair."

"It's uh-Sam, actually. Hey."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, sorry Sammy. I probably shoulda led with that. Cullen is Alistair's partner. Y'know… like Cesar and Jesse."

"Hello, Sam," Cullen said.

Sam replied, "Hi, Cullen."

"So whatcha got for us, little brother."

"You know I'm taller than you right?"

"Yeah, yeah, Samsquatch, you're a big boy now. But you've got a captive audience now, so spill."

"Ok, so, get this…" Sam began, excitedly. "Rowena just got back from whatever coven gathering she crashed, and you'll never guess who she brought home with her."

"The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man? Shit, I don't know, Sam. Who?"

"Lucifer."

"You're shittin' me."

"Wouldn't do that with the stakes this high; you know that."

"Yeah, yeah. I know, man. So what? He just walked in-hand-in-hand-with Rowena, all lovey dovey n'shit?"

Sam laughed. "Hardly. I don't know how she did it, but she's got him shackled and bound to her. Gabe says he's full juice too, Dean. As soon as you can get here, we can open the portal and go get Jack and Mom."

Dean rubbed his hands down his face, his expression warring between relief and excitement.

Castiel kept one arm around Claire, but his eyes were wide and incredulous, staring at the phone. "Dean. We need to go- now . I can get us there—"

"We are not leaving baby behind," Dean interrupted.

"I could watch her for you!" Claire offered.

"NO!" Castiel and Dean said together, causing Jody to laugh.

"Just get back here as soon as possible," Sam said, still on the line. "Rowena has Lucifer locked down pretty tight, so it can wait for you to drive here, but not much longer. In the meantime, I need to get back to it. You guys be safe."

"Thanks, Sammy." Dean said, then disconnected the call.

Claire asked, "Can I come with you?"

Jody snorted and rolled her eyes. "The only place you're going is home with me. You had everyone worried; they need to know you're ok."

Claire frowned. "Patience will know I'm fine, and Alex doesn't really care."

"She cares about you a great deal, Claire. You've helped her through some very tough times; she looks up to you, y'know?"

Claire sniffed, "Yeah, whatever you say. Fine. But we're stopping for chinese on the way home."

"Now you're just trying to butter up Donna. You know how much she loves the chow mien."

"Once again, you'll get to reap the rewards for my brilliant ideas." Claire rolled her eyes.

Jody grinned. "I'll find some way to thank you someday."

"Some noise canceling headphones would be nice. The less I hear Donna screaming your name, the better!"

Dean covered his mouth to hide his laugh.

Claire glared at him next. "You two are no better! Maybe it's time for me to get a place of my own. All you old people see more action than I ever will!"

"At least you won't have to wait a millennia to find your partner. Just think how boring my life was before I met Dean." He winked at his husband, then stood, pulling Claire to her feet with him. "As much fun as this has been, we need to get on the road. The sooner we make it back to the bunker, the quicker we can open the portal that will reunite my family. And the less time we have Lucifer at our mercy, the better. He can be slippier than Gabriel in Loki mode."

Alistair cleared his throat. "So, uh. I guess you won't need my skills after all? Would you like us to come with you?"

Dean shook his head. "Nah, man. Listen, you have no idea how much I appreciate you offering, though. You've got a kid of your own to get home to. If we take you back to the park we found you in, will you be able to find your way from there?"

"Home is easy for me to find; you don't even need to take us back. We'll be fine." Alistair reassured them.

Jody wrapped an arm around Claire. "We're going to sneak out the back, but you guys should make a showing of going out the front door. I'm parked next to the Impala; we'll see you out there in a few minutes." She guided Claire out the door, leaving them in the room.

"I feel a little silly dragging you guys this far into planning and then not being able to use the help." Dean shifted from foot to foot.

"It's not that he couldn't use the help," Castiel elbowed Dean in the ribs. "He's just got too much Winchester pride to ask for it."

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel. "He's got a point, but I don't want to keep you, and we'll be alright-Winchesters usually are."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Would you like to share how many times you've died and been brought back?"

"Hey! Over 100 of those deaths were because of your brother, Gabriel. Sammy probably still needs therapy because of it."

"Well, it does explain why Tuesday is his least favorite day."

"And he still can't stand the song 'Heat of the Moment' either." Dean snorted. "C'mon guys, let's head out. We can give Ellen back her bottle and say goodbye to her, Ash, and Jo before we leave."

They left the office and made their way back toward the bar. Ellen met them with a raised eyebrow. "Everything ok, boys?"

Castiel answered solemnly. "Yes, thank you. She's resting comfortably in the back. Once we got her cleaned up, we discovered that her injuries were mostly superficial."

"Glad to hear it, Cass. You boys heading out?"

Dean shrugged, handing over the half-finished bottle of scotch. "Yeah, Sammy just called; he's got a key to that thing we've been waiting for, so we're heading home."

She leveled a concerned look, but nodded in resignation. "Well, you be careful, and keep me updated. We'll hold down the fort while you're gone."

"I trust you will, Ellen." Dean hugged her tightly, patting her on the back a few times before letting go. "Keep an eye on our girl for us too, please."

"You know I will. Now get out of here before Ash starts getting all sentimental on you."

"You know I'm always sad and weepy when they leave, regardless of when they go, Ellen. Just accept it and let it happen." Ash flung the locks of his mullet over his shoulder and shook their hands. Good luck, guys. Let me know if you need anything," he said, then turned to Cullen and Alistair. "Didn't get a chance to visit much, but you guys be safe out there too. Good luck and all that. And thanks for the show earlier, Alistair. Nice moves." He winked then turned back to his customers behind the bar.

As they headed for the door, one of the patron's said, "Wow, he must be some medic!"

Ellen smirked. "Yeah… he's a real miracle worker, now mind your own business." She poured the guy another drink.

Jo caught up to them as they were stepping outside. "Hey guys, wait up."

"You're not coming with us, Jo." Dean leveled his gaze at her.

"I know! Besides, I'm still on shift." She followed them out to the Impala where Jody and Claire were waiting. "I just wanted to see you guys off. She fidgeted nervously, looking Alistair up and down.

"Oh, uh. Did you want your shirt back?" Alistair made to take off the borrowed t-shirt.

"No. It's—it's a gift. You keep those…" she smirked at Dean and Castiel who chuckled.

"I just… Dean mentioned that you showed up in armor that Charlie would be jealous of; I was hoping that I could maybe… um, see it?"

Alistair grinned. "Sure, We need to retrieve our things from the trunk anyway."

As Dean opened the back, Jo leaned in and whistled. "Holy shit, is that scale maille?"

Alistair shifted the weapons to the side and lifted out his blue and white striped Warden armor. "It's leather and chain maille, mostly. But there are a few panels of scales woven in. It allows for extra protection, while still permitting freedom in my movements."

Cullen chuckled. "What he means is, it's really lightweight, but also strong, and doesn't get in the way when he decides to show off."

Alistair elbowed Cullen with an indignant, "Hey!" Then pulled his armor padding over his t-shirt and began to buckle on his bracers while everyone laughed.

"Woah - what is that on the plate in the middle of your chest?" Claire asked, reaching out, but pulling her hand away before she could touch it.

"The Griffon is a symbol of the Warden order I am apart of. We have stories that the Wardens of old used to ride their griffon's proudly into battle." He traced the raised image blazoned across his chest. "But sadly, they went extinct many years ago." He slipped into his chest piece, with practiced ease.

Jo walked a slow semi-circle around Alistair, admiring the armor. "Charlie is going to be so jealous that she missed this; she would love to take measurements and probably pictures to remake this for her LARPing parties. You really wear this every day?"

"Not every day, and certainly not when I'm tending bar." Alistair winked. "When I am suiting up to guard the veil, then yes, this is what I wear."

Cullen looked confused. "We've heard mention of LARPing a few times now since we've arrived. What is that exactly? And who is Charlie? Is she one of your hunters too?"

Claire giggled and Jo Rolled her eyes, but Dean answered. "Charlie is the annoying little sister I never knew I wanted."

"Hey, I thought that was my job?" Jo exclaimed.

"Ok, my other annoying little sister." Dean grinned. "She's freakishly smart, and has a soft spot for Live Action Role Playing… L-A-R-P-ing. Basically, a bunch of people get together and dress up… well, like you actually-with armor and swords n'shit. They all pretend to battle, then at the end of the night there is a huge feast in celebration and she tries to bed the fairest maiden of the event."

Alistair and Cullen share an amused look.

"Well, maybe after your family is reunited and things start to mellow out, you guys can come experience this 'LARPing' in real life. Just have Cass' brother Gabriel cut you a path to Thedas." Cullen pulled out one of his business cards and handed it to Castiel. "Our phones aren't working here, which means yours probably won't work there either, but with the information on that card, you should be able to find us."

Dean pocketed the card. "With Gabe at full power, he may even be able to get us directly to you. Thanks."

Finished with his armor, Alistair and Cullen began to pull their weapons out of the trunk and sheathe them in their various locations.

Jody gaped. "Holy Hades! Don't let Donna see this haul; she'd want two of everything to add to her collection." Everyone laughed as the last of the weapons found their home. Alistair flipped a small belt dagger dexterously around his fingers, then handed the hilt of it to Jo. "I know we didn't get to that knife throwing lesson tonight, but it's probably for the best. My humble skills would have far been outshined by yours."

Jo took the dagger and tested its weight in her hands. "This thing is perfectly balanced, but isn't nearly as heavy as it looks." She paused to flip it around her hands with a flourish. "What's it made of?"

"I'm not sure what you would call it here, but we call it Silverite. I wouldn't pass this on to just anyone, but I think you, of all people, would appreciate it."

She gave Alistair a quick hug, then continued to test the weight of the dagger before making it disappear into her boot.

Cullen rolled his eyes and laughed. "You big flirt. You keep giving away all your knives, you won't have anything left to defend yourself with."

Alistair batted his eyelashes at Cullen. "I'd still have you! Are you saying you wouldn't defend me?"

Cullen shook his head in exasperation. "No trying to corner me, you know I'm not going to fall for it."

Alistair leaned in and kissed Cullen on the cheek. "You love me."

"Not that you make it easy."

"What would be the fun in that?" Alistair grinned.

Ignoring the question, Cullen rolled his eyes, then turned toward Dean and Castiel. "Thank you for dinner and for sharing your world with us. It's been a very educational experience." He bowed his head briefly toward Castiel. "And thank you Cass, I never in a million years thought that I'd meet a true Maker's Child. But here you are, happily married, with two children. It kind of gives me hope for us little people."

"No one is insignificant in my father's eyes, Cullen. You keep doing good by yourself and your family." He nodded toward Alistair. "Life gives us what we put into it. I wouldn't live mine any other way." He smiled kindly, then shook his hand.

There was a round of hugs and handshakes as everyone bid everyone else goodbye. Then Alistair turned away from the group, unsheathed the daggers at his back, and cut a single tear, then another on top of the first. They turned to the group and with fists to their chests in salute, both Cullen and Alistair climbed through to their own world, sealing the rift behind them.

Dean looked around the group of them left. "We've seen some pretty interesting shit, but I still couldn't have predicted that when we woke up this morning." He chuckled, then pulled Claire in for a hug, only releasing her when Castiel tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It's your turn."

While Castiel and Claire spent a quiet moment together, Dean pulled Jody in for a hug next. "Thanks Jodes. For taking care of our girl… for everything."

"That's what family does, Dean. You go get Jack and your Mom and when everyone is safe and sound back home again, we'll have you all up for dinner. First things first, go put your family back together; Claire and I will hold down the fort here. We won't let anything happen to anyone. We got this."

"I know you do, Jodes. We'll get ahold of you as soon as we have Mom and Jack back."

"You better!"

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Through vacations and jet lag, **Ponticle** really came through for me with edits! (Thanks, hun!) And not just this chapter, but the next one as well! So you won't have to wait the full two weeks for the final segment. It will be up next Sunday (followed, hopefully, by the epilogue the week after that).

So close to being finished!

Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**We're Not in Thedas Anymore**

 **Chapter 10: Back in Thedas**

* * *

 **Summary:**

Home again to face the fallout!  
Things aren't what they were expecting.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Here's your final chapter to this little side trip my brain took!

I hope you enjoy it. :)

* * *

 **Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural Crossover**

 **Chapter 10**

 **Back in Thedas**

* * *

Cullen emerged through the tear in the fade and Alistair quickly mended the rift behind him.

They both looked around, they were in the same part of the park near where they left Alistair's classic Mustang. Only… there was no Mustang.

"Uh, Cullen? Isn't this where we parked my Shelby?"

Cullen shivered and wrapped his arms around himself to stave off the cold. "Uh, Alistair? Wasn't it spring and warm when we left?"

As they pondered the difference in the weather, their phones suddenly started buzzing and pinging in their pockets. Alistair looked at his, noticing over 120 missed text messages and even more missed calls and voicemails. "Cullen?" he said, finally noticing the date. "What's today's date on your phone?"

Cullen looked at his screen and gasped. "Shit! How is this possible? We just left this afternoon!"

"That's not what our phones say." Alistair looked up, worried. "Six months, Cullen. How did we lose six months? I'm not sure I want to look at all of these messages. Lana's probably so pissed!"

"Maybe we should have left her that message before we left?" Cullen snickered.

"You're not worried?" Alistair looked petrified himself.

"Alistair, there's nothing we can do about it now except go home and let them know that we're ok." Cullen called a cab to come pick them up as they slowly scrolled through their messages with growing trepidation.

Knowing that it would be better to face the music at home in person, Cullen decided to check in with Cassandra to get an update on the Inquisition and the situation with Corypheus while they waited.

"Maker, Cullen. Is that you?"

"Yeah, Cassandra. Sorry, we've been out of touch for awhile."

"Out of touch? You call that out of touch? You missed the whole bloody party!" She exclaimed.

"Was it that bad?" he asked.

"It would have been a whole hell of a lot easier if you'd been here to help us out. It was pretty touch and go for awhile, but the inquisitor eventually managed to take out Corypheus and seal most of the rifts on this end. They're still working on closing a few stragglers, but it's nothing like it was when you uh, disappeared. Where, in Andraste's name, have you been, anyway?"

Cullen signed. "I followed Alistair down a Warden rabbit hole. I'll give you a full report as soon as I see you. We uh… just got back and are heading home now."

"Well, if he hasn't already, tell Alistair he's going to need to check in with Duncan ASAP."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"You guys really did miss the memo! I'm sure you'll get more details later, but it seems that some of the Wardens were affected by Corypheus' influence more than others. They're all undergoing a major debriefing in Weishaupt. Since you were both out of town, and together, he may be able to avoid most of the red tape. But all the same, he needs to check in."

"I'll make sure he does as soon as we get home."

"Has he spoken to Lana yet?" she asked.

Cullen coughed uncomfortably. "Um, no. Not yet. We figured that would be better to do in person, I wanted to check in with you first to see what we've missed on the greater scale. I never thought I'd ever say this about you… but you're definitely safer."

Cassandra laughed. "She can be a rather intimidating little mage, can't she?"

"Oh, you have no idea. I fear for what we're walking into when we get home."

Alistair's eyes were large with fear as the yellow Cab pulled up.

"Listen, Cassandra, our ride is here. I will touch base with you soon."

"Maker watch over you Cullen… and Alistair too," Cassandra said.

He hung up the phone and, with a groan, climbed into the car after Alistair.

"You guys look like you've been to some sort of a costume party! Rough night?" the cabby asked.

"Something like that," Alistair sighed. "And it's going to be an even rougher morning."

He gave the driver their address, then settled back into his seat to stew during the ride home.

* * *

The first thing Alistair noticed when they were dropped off in front of the building, was that his car was safely parked in its usual spot next to Cullen's Jeep-Commander. "Thank the Maker!" he breathed with relief, earning a chuckle from Cullen. "Now, if only the rest of our return would be as simple."

"I wouldn't hold your breath, Love. But the sooner we get this taken care of, the better. It's like rirpping off a band-aid, better to just get it over with."

"Yeah, but, with a bandaid, usually there's a kiss afterward to make it better."

Cullen chuckled. "If that's what it'll take to get you through the door, then I promise you kisses to make better after she's done with you." Cullen kissed Alistair's temple for good measure.

As Alistair placed his key into the lock, the door was suddenly ripped out of his hand. Standing in her nightgown—fuming—was an incredibly upset, Lana.

"Lana, I—" Alistair began.

Holding up a single finger, she looked them both over from head to foot. Satisfied that neither had been mortally injured, Lana silently led them into the common room.

As they entered the shared living space for their three separate apartments, they immediately felt the heavy somberness permeating the air. Kieran was leaning sadly on his mother who had an arm draped around his shoulders in comfort.

Kieran looked up first and perked up considerably. He jumped off the couch and raced across the room! "Dad!" he shouted as he leaped into Alistair's arms, wrapping around him like a koala, "Where have you been? We were so worried!"

"Hey, Kieran." Alistair whispered, hugging him back just as tightly. "I am so sorry that we had you worried. I was… working," he said feebly. "I will do my best to never disappear like that again. Okay?"

Kieran nodded into his father's shoulder, surreptitiously wiping his eyes on his sleeve, then looking at Cullen. "You kept him safe for me?"

Cullen nodded with a fond smile. "We keep each other safe. We always will."

Kieran reached over and wound his arms around Cullen's neck, pulling him into the hug while Alistair still supported his weight. "Thank you. And thank you for coming home too." Kieran took a moment to hug them both, then whispered so no one else in the room could hear, "Auntie Lana and Mother are very upset, but don't let them scare you; they just missed you too." He pulled back with a mischievous wink, then wiggled his way back to the ground. "Auntie Leliana promised to take me out to eat as a treat when you got back, probably so I don't have to hear you two get yelled at." He giggled behind his hand then looked up excitedly. "Maybe she'll even let me get cheese blintzes!"

He raced off toward the stairs, hollering over his shoulder, "I'm just going to go get dressed, then we can go, Auntie."

Cullen rolled his eyes affectionately, elbowing Alistair in the side. "I think your love of cheese is rubbing off on him."

"What can I say, the kid has good taste?"

Leliana approached, pulling them into a tight hug. "I don't know where you've been, or what's been going on." She pulled back, looking them both over and patting them each on the cheek. "I will find out the details later; for now, the important thing is to know that you're safe and for me to remove Kieran from the house before Lana's wrath is unleashed." She glanced fondly over her shoulder at Lana who was silently fuming next to Morrigan. Leliana turned back with a wink. "In this instance, her bark is worse that her bite, no? She's been worried sick about you. The last six months have not been easy on any of us, but especially her." With another pat on the cheek, Leliana excused herself to slip into her shoes and wait for Kieran.

The air in the room was cold and foreboding while they waited. Alistair and Cullen joined hands and shifted nervously. As the moments passed, the air grew crisper and almost electric in its currents. Kieran soon scampered through the room toward the front door and Leliana blew them a quick kiss mouthing 'good luck' before closing it behind them.

In the silence that followed, Morrigan and Lana descended upon them.

"What were you thinking?" Morrigan shouted at the same time that Lana said, "Where the hell have you been?"

Morrigan leveled her gaze at them. "Did you not think for one moment that we might be worried?"

"Do you have any idea what's been happening while you were gone?" Lana asked, exasperated. "We thought that Corypheus had gotten to you. One minute, you were on a mission closing portals, then suddenly… you… you weren't there anymore," she sobbed, trying to cover it with her hand. "I knew you were somewhere, but you felt... just out of my reach!"

Alistair pulled her into his arms and held her to his chest as she cried. He gently ran his fingers through her hair while he whispered platitudes and apologies, looking over her head at Cullen, lost.

Morrigan harrumphed and stomped off to the other side of the room, staring blankly into a large fish tank.

Cullen stepped forward and rubbed Lana's back. "Lana, hun, we are so sorry."

She thrust her hand out and pulled Cullen into the group hug, burying her head into the crook of their chests where their bodies came together.

"We honestly didn't know." Alistair soothed. "Where we went... I guess, time moved differently there."

Cullen added, "We were gone for less than a day."

"We were in the park, closing portals, and decided to investigate one a little more deeply, so I cut a rift within a rift and we went through it."

"We ended up in some place called Sioux Falls," Cullen supplied. "In a world with supernatural elements similar to ours, yet different. They were having issues there with the darkspawn and rifts as well."

"They'd been fighting darkspawn when we came through. Realizing we'd been fighting a similar cause, they took us to dinner to talk about how we might be able to help each other." Alistair kissed Lana on top of the head. "I swear to you, scan my memory if you need to. We never intended on leaving you all for so long. We never wanted you to worry like this. We had dinner, intending on helping them, but they didn't end up needing it in the end, so we came back. Only, when we got back, it wasn't spring anymore."

With a shuddering sigh, Lana wiped her eyes. "I believe you. Morrigan and I have studied the eluvians enough to know that times travel differently in various realms. I just… I never expected to feel your loss so acutely. Death, I would have felt differently—this was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before." She took a deep slow breath then looked at Alistair, pain clearly written across her face. "I'd never felt so alone. Please don't ever do that again, not without telling me first so I can prepare."

"I promise, Lana. If we ever go back to visit, I'll let you know—or take you with me." Alistair's smile softened. "So… are we forgiven?"

"You may have some making up to do, but, yes—you're both forgiven." She turned to look at Cullen. "You need to talk to Rylen. He's managed to hold the precinct together in your absence, but I know he'll be happy to know you're back."

Cullen nodded, already reaching for his phone. "What about his training? We've been gone a long time; when we left, we'd barely gotten started."

Cullen's phone started ringing and Lana grinned. "Oh… I'd say his training has been going very well." She patted his shoulder and wandered over to the kitchenette to start making tea.

While Cullen spoke with Rylen, Alistair made his way over to where Morrigan stood staring at the fish. "So… when did we get a fishtank?"

She wrapped her arms around herself tighter and shrugged. "About three months ago," she said stiffly. "Kieran needed a distraction, so we had him do research on the best set-up. He decided that he wanted a saltwater tank to give him more of a challenge. I should warn you, it wasn't cheap, and it isn't to maintain either."

Alistair chuckled, looking fondly at the fish his son picked out. "I set up that account for you to use for whatever he needed, Morrigan. I'm not worried about how much it cost. I just want you both safe and happy." He reached out to gently lay his hand on her shoulder, but she flinched away.

Attempting to hide her sniffles, Morrigan turned her back, surreptitiously wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

"Hey," he stepped in front of her to get her attention again, but she smacked his hand away, then smacked him with a light open palm on his other arm for good measure. With an indignant grunt, she finally wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"I suppose if that's the worst I get out of this, I'll take it," Alistair said softly, hugging her back.

"I would never hurt you, Alistair."

"I know, Morrigan. You could have witchified me from across the room when we first came in— Zap ! Frog-time!"

She wiped her tears on the collar of his tunic and chuckled, pulling away with a reluctant smile. "I only use that spell on people I truly despise."

"Good to know I rank somewhere above that."

"Just barely." She smirked. "But, Kieran likes you a little bit, so I guess we'll keep you around."

He bowed with a flourish. "You are too kind, m'lady."

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "You are incorrigible."

"Yet, you still encourage me. One of these days you'll learn."

She looked back at the fish, her mouth turned down. "He missed you so much. We all missed you. Lana and I tried so hard to figure out what happened to you. Even with Kieran's powers boosting our own, we couldn't locate where you went, and I just couldn't—" She took a deep breath and then locked eyes with Alistair. "The hardest part of being a parent is trying to stay positive for your children in the face of despair. These last few months have been a test for all of us." She looked down, then back up with a smirk. "Kieran may not have been brought about under normal circumstances, but, I am so thankful to have him in my life."

"However our little family got formed, with all that we've been through, it's made us who we are. And I wouldn't have us any other way."

Morrigan looked off into the distance. "I always thought there was something wrong with me, not wanting—not feeling attraction like others do."

"There is nothing wrong with you, Morrigan. There never has been. You are exactly who you are supposed to be."

A small smile ghosted her lips. "I assumed that I would grow up and live my life alone and lonely, but you've given me more than I'd ever hoped for." She looked around the room, eyes landing on Lana in the kitchen, Cullen on the phone, and the many pictures lining the walls in their shared living space. "You've brought me in and made me family and I—I could never repay you for any of this."

Alistair smiled softly. "You are family, Morrigan. And there is no need to repay me; we're in this for the long haul. Raising Kieran isn't going to happen over night; I'm just thankful that you've finally let me be a part of it. I should be the one thanking you." He covered his mouth trying to stifle a yawn.

"You and Cullen haven't slept. You must be tired. Why don't you two go up to bed?"

"Are you sure? I feel like we've missed so much."

"You have, but one more day isn't going to kill anyone. Especially now that we have you both home and safe again. Get some rest. You can tell us all about your little adventure later."

With another yawn, he patted her gently on the shoulder. "Thanks, Morrigan. Y'know, you're not always a complete witch."

She laughed. "I'm always a witch, Alistair. It's in my blood. Occasionally, I'm not a bitch though—just don't give away my secret; you might ruin my reputation."

He mimed zipping his fingers across his lips. "My lips are sealed." He shuffled over to Cullen who was just getting off the phone. "I'm ready for a shower and a nap. Care to join me?"

Cullen kissed him softly and smiled. "I would love to."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thanks, as always, to the lovely **Ponticle** who keeps my i's dotted and my t's crossed.

And thank you to everyone who's stuck with me on this interesting little crossover trip my mind decided to take. :) I didn't want to change anything major in season 13 of supernatural (y'know - other than making certain people I adore still live), or in the grand storyline of Inquisition, so this is just a little bite of time taken out of both worlds where they both kinda lined up just enough to make this work. :)

There will be a sweet little epilogue coming up next, and then maybe-who knows, there might be a time stamp or two down the road. *shrug* But for now, I have some Cocktails and Cheese to get back to writing. :)


	11. Chapter 11

**We're Not in Thedas Anymore**

 **Epilogue - Coming Home**

* * *

 **Summary:**

The boys are home, their job is done, (for now), whatever shall they do?

* * *

 **Notes:**

You got your Destiel, now it's time for Cullistair to get theirs!  
I couldn't have a Cullistair and Destiel Crossover without some gratuitous Alistair-on-Cullen action.  
(Alistair *in* Cullen, action?)

It would totally tarnish my-not so-good name. ;)

Every story deserves a... happy ending, after all.  
So yeah, NSFW Chapter - enjoy (after work).

* * *

 **Dragon Age (Cocktails and Cheese) / Supernatural Crossover**

 **Epilogue**

 **Coming Home**

 **AKA - Gratuitous Sex Chapter**

* * *

As soon as they were through the apartment door, Alistair threaded his fingers into Cullen's hair and pulled him into an enthusiastic kiss.

Cullen blinked rapidly when they pulled apart. "What was that for?"

Alistair smirked. "Well—" He licked his lips, letting his eyes roam Cullen's body. "Apparently we haven't had sex in six months. I think we have some lost time to make up."

"What are you talking about? I seem to remember bribing you to get out of bed just this morning."

"Mmmm. And what a lovely bribe it was." Alistair nibbled his way up Cullen's neck, then whispered in his ear, "At first I thought I was still dreaming; the warmth of your mouth and the moans coming from beneath the sheet were positively sinful."

"You definitely weren't complaining." Cullen gripped Alistair's hips, stopping them from pressing rhythmically against his growing erection.

"No. No, I wasn't. But you're missing a very important point."

"Oh? And, what point is that?"

"To you and I, it was only this morning. However, six months have passed in this world since that morning, and that's way too long for me to go without making love to you." Alistair grinned wickedly while kicking off his boots.

"How did I ever end up with someone so insatiable?"

"I'm only insatiable because you're so irresistible."

"Is that your story now?" Cullen began to slowly unfasten the buckles on Alistair's armor.

"For today." Alistair batted Cullen's hands away, then made quick work of his outer armor, dropping it to the floor. "The faster we get out of these layers, the sooner I can feel your wet, soapy body pressed up against mine."

Cullen unfastened his vest and tossed it over his shoulder onto the coat rack. "Mmm. Yes, sir. I like the sound of that. However…"

"However?" Alistair asked, leaving a trail of armor on the floor as he walked backward toward their ensuite.

Cullen stripped off his fatigues as he prowled after Alistair. "If it truly has been, six painfully long months, I may need a little more than just rubbing up against you in the shower."

"Oh?"

"I may have to demand a reciprocation from this morning." Cullen grabbed the waistband of Alistair's pants and pulled him to his chest with a possessive growl. "Especially after your display behind the bar earlier. Watching you show off always gives me the most delicious ideas about what I want you to do to me."

"Is that why you sent Castiel off to burn off steam with his husband?"

Cullen nipped at Alistair's ear. "There was no place that I could get you alone; I had to live vicariously through someone. And it looked like he was just as affected, watching Dean, as I was by watching you. If I couldn't get some relief, at least one of us needed to."

"Corrupting celestial beings now? How far you've fallen, my sweet little templar."

"Ex-templar," Cullen said automatically. "And those two have done far worse, judging by Ellen's reaction. But, I don't want to talk about them anymore." Cullen shoved Alistair's pants down to the floor. "I want you."

Catching his breath, Alistair stepped out of his pants then pushed Cullen's down as well. "Oh, yeah?" he asked. "Aside from a reciprocation from earlier, do you have any other requests?"

"When it comes to you, I'm not picky." Cullen grinned. "But, it has been six months. We have a lot to make up for." He turned on the water to let it warm up. "Let's start with the basics, shall we? As long as we end with you inside of me, I'll let you fill in the rest."

"You paint such a pretty picture." Alistair smacked Cullen's ass as he walked by to step into the shower. He took a moment and let the water cascade over his hair and body, looking up, he quirked an eyebrow at Cullen. "Well, are you going to join me, or just stand there and stare?"

Cullen crowded into Alistair's space, heat and desire written in his gaze as he let his hands glide smoothly over wet shoulders. Reaching the back of Alistair's head, he cupped it gently and sealed their lips together while his thumb lovingly caressed Alistair's cheek.

Returning the ardent kiss, Alistair's hands roamed Cullen's back and eventually landed on the swell of his ass.

With mutual contented sighs, they launched into exploring each other's mouths and bodies. The steaming hot water slicking the way as they pressed firmly together, savoring the feel of well muscled, flesh against flesh.

Cullen moaned, throwing his head back to allow for easier access when soapy fingers suddenly threaded their way through his hair. "I love you and your sneaky ways," he whispered, wondering briefly when Alistair had grabbed the shampoo.

Alistair's knowing chuckle was all that registered as Cullen gave himself over to the feeling of strong fingers tugging at his hair and blunt nails scratching over his scalp. Alistair turned them around to allow for the water to rinse through, hands never leaving Cullen's lush curls.

With a gentle push, Alistair maneuvered him up against the wall, then slipped a small bottle into Cullen's hand. "You can return the favor while I make sure your lower half is equally… cared for." Alistair winked, before dropping to his knees on the padded mat.

Cullen forgot about the bottle Alistair handed him when soapy hands cupped him gently to wash his most intimate areas. This wasn't sexual, not yet. This was Alistair taking care of him. The simple act of washing, so full of attentiveness and love, nearly brought Cullen to tears. Down one leg and back up the other, Alistair was nothing if not thorough. Blinking back a sudden flood of emotions, Cullen finally squeezed a small dollop of shampoo into the palm of his hand and deposited the bottle onto the shelf. As Alistair caught his eye, Cullen smiled softly and ran his own soapy fingers through Alistair's hair.

Once Alistair's hair was rinsed clear of all suds, he looked up from where he still rested on his knees and smirked. "Now, was that so hard?" he asked cheekily, while taking Cullen's shaft in his hand and stroking it slowly to full mast.

"Well, it-" Cullen started to say, but was cut off by the sudden heat of Alistair's mouth engulfing his cock. "Oh, Maker!." He breathed as Alistair proceeded to do the most sinful things with little swirls of his tongue.

Alistair chuckled around Cullen's girth, but never stopped. It was all he could do to stay on his feet as Alistair licked him from base to tip, like he was his favorite summer treat. His mouth and hands were everywhere and Cullen was loving every moment of it.

When a lube-slicked finger suddenly breached his tight opening, Cullen threw his head back with a guttural moan. "Keeping that bottle in here was the best idea ever!" He praised, parting his legs a little farther to permit easier access. His gasps and whimpers punctuated by broken variations of: 'Al', 'yes', 'Maker', and 'please'.

He held on tightly-to Alistair, the wall, his sanity-as one finger was joined by another, stretching him further. When a third finger was added, Alistair began moaning around Cullen's cock; the vibrations spiraling him that much closer to the edge.

Between pushing back onto Alistair's fingers and plunging his dick further down Alistair's throat, Cullen couldn't decide which pleasure to chase. He decided not to fight it, and gave himself over completely, praising Andraste that Alistair didn't have a gag reflex. "Maker, please! Don't stop now," Cullen begged, but he needn't have worried, Alistair always took care of him.

Cullen's legs began to shake, it was all he could do to keep himself upright. When Alistair brushed his prostate one last time, Cullen's hips stuttered with the force of his orgasm. He held Alistair still, savoring the fingers buried inside him and the constriction of Alistair's throat as he swallowed everything Cullen had to give.

Catching his breath, he pulled Alistair up and into a deep kiss. Finally, he rested their foreheads together. "Holy shit," he exclaimed. "Six months was way too long to go without."

Alistair chuckled. "But, my love. It's only been one day."

Cullen's face softened as he laughed. "I love you so damn much. Don't you ever change." He kissed Alistair tenderly, lingering just a moment longer than usual. The hard line of Alistair's erection pressed up against his hip, impossible to ignore. "Seems to me that we're not done yet. You've got me thoroughly relaxed and ready for you, would be criminal to not let you fuck me like you mean it." Cullen nipped at Alistair's lip before turning around, pressing his hands to the wall, and wiggling his ass.

Grabbing Cullen with one hand, Alistair slicked himself up with his other. He lined himself up and bit Cullen playfully on the shoulder as he slowly slid inside. "You're so damn bossy." He chuckled, which quickly turned into a satisfied groan as he bottomed out.

Even though he'd just come, Cullen savored the stretch and burn of Alistair inside him. It was like they were made for each other, made to fit together perfectly. He was lax and pliant from his orgasm, but still couldn't get enough. When Alistair caught his breath and began to pull back slowly, Cullen reminded him, "Don't forget… like you mean it."

He was expecting fast and hard, but what he got instead, was so much more. There was a brief pause and then Alistair's hands on his hips slid their way up his stomach and crossed over his heart. With a slow, deliberate roll of his hips, Alistair kissed the back of Cullen's neck. "Oh, my love, I do mean it. Every touch, every kiss. I'm the luckiest man alive to get to be here with you. To get to have you this way. I love you, Cullen. You always talk about how blessed you feel to be here with me, but I'm right there with you. I thank Andraste, the Maker, and anyone else who might have been involved in bringing you into my life, every day. I'm so damn blessed, I feel like I'm going to burst."

Alistair never sped up during his speech; he continued the slow, roll of his hips, driving himself in-and-out of Cullen's body, savoring every inch. Each sentence was punctuated with kisses along Cullen's neck and shoulders, the hands over his heart were rubbing a soothing pattern. It was too much to be facing away any longer. "Al?" Cullen finally said, pulling off and turning so that he could face him.

They stood together, eyes locked in silent communication. Cullen cupped Alistair's cheek and wrapped one leg around his waist, pulling him in. "I know. Believe me, I know."

Kissing Cullen deeply, Alistair slid back in with a satisfied sigh. He started moving again, with slow, purposeful thrusts. Their eyes only closing briefly among sweet, sensual kisses, before locking on each other's again. The depth of emotion was intense, driven deeper by the deliberate angling of Alistair's thrusts, slowly increasing in speed, striking Cullen's prostate with blinding accuracy.

"Al." Cullen panted. "I'm not sixteen anymore, there's no way you'll be able to get me off again so quickly."

Alistair looked between them at Cullen's erection and wrapped one hand around it, stroking it slowly. "Are you sure? It seems like parts of you are quite on board with coming again before I do."

"You'll never last. It'll take me too long to get there." Cullen gasped, finding it difficult to form coherent words with Alistair's ever increasing onslaught.

"I have two words for you." Alistair chuckled darkly as he began to move faster. "Warden—Stamina." He leaned in and bit down on Cullen's shoulder causing him to shout out in a euphoric mix of pleasure and pain.

Alistair was relentless, his lips, tongue, teeth, and hand-every fucking thrust-was driving Cullen mad. Just as he thought he'd never be able to make it through, Alistair added a sneaky little twist to his wrist on the upstroke of his cock. "I'm not coming until you come first, Len. You might as well let go. For me… please? Come for me."

With one last thrust Cullen's vision began to white out-his whole body locked up and, as the first shock of his orgasm rushed through him, Cullen felt Alistair's pace pick up even more. Quick jabs of his hips as he chased his own release in the aftermath of Cullen's body constricting around him. Thrusting through their aftershocks, Alistair finally stilled to catch his breath.

Wrapped in each other's arms, they both began to giggle.

"I think you're going to be the death of me." Cullen gasped intermittently around his laughter.

"I don't think so. I would never let that happen." Alistair grinned as he cleaned them both off once again.

"And why is that?" Cullen asked.

"Because, my love. Our story isn't over yet." Alistair grinned, handing Cullen a towel.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Thank you all, for humoring my little crossover! I'm calling it *finished* for now, but I may add a timestamp here or there for future chapters (as inspiration strikes).

What would Charlie say if she met our boys and saw Alistair's armor?  
How would Dean and Cass like Alistair's bar?  
What would Zevran say-or Isabela for that matter-if they were to meet Dean and Cass?  
How would samsquatch measure up against The Iron Bull? (I'm thinking Bull might be taller).  
And would Gabe feel inadequate?  
Would Donna and Jody totally geek out over Cullen and Alistair's weapon Collection?  
(I wonder how their precincts differ from Cullen's)  
Would Jack and Kieran get along?

So many freaking questions and possibilities for future stories-I can't promise this is actually over. As long as someone wants to see where my twisted little mind may take them on future adventures, I may be persuaded to write it down. :) I'd be happy to take prompts if you want to see something specific, too. Come find me on Tumblr - I'm Aurlyn over there. :)

My eternal gratitude goes out to **Ponticle** for always having my back! I don't know what I would do without them. (And I'm sure you'd see a definite difference in my work if I didn't.) Ponticle just makes everything better! Thanks again, hun.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you for coming along for the ride! I will be continuing with a new chapter every two weeks (Maker/Chuck willing).

And as always, I owe a debt of gratitude to Ponticle, for their support, expertise, and for rolling with my crazy ideas and encouraging me to just go with it!


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